Black is the Night
by barmorcs
Summary: Post-Serenity. Maliver. Serenity takes on new challenges, and new passengers. Everything seems to be going smoothly - too smoothly, now that River is helping - when Mal's world comes crashing down around him. Rated M for sexy times later. UPDATED. Reread and review please!
1. Chapter One, Nothing Lasts

**Chapter One. Nothing Lasts.**

With each day that passed after Miranda, the mind-numbing, all consuming pain… began to lessen. Over time, Serenity was able to heal over fresh wounds, to mend over the ugly, gaping holes.

Inara stayed for a little while, just long enough to help with the grieving process, but being a Companion was at the fiber of being, and she couldn't stop for Mal's sake any more than the Captain could give up Serenity. Her departure was filled with teary goodbyes and promises to keep in touch. Kaylee cried. Mal stared off into the black, as if he didn't care too much. River watched her go with curious eyes. She sensed happiness in Inara. Relief.

Zoe wished the Companion a safe journey, though it never reflected in her eyes. River sometimes let herself dive into the mind of Zoe Washburn, especially when her own nightmares plagued her. Zoe's loss was devastating, but not just from losing her husband. The first mate caught her eye, and River did not look away.

No one had seen Zoe cry. Except for River. The months after Wash's death, there was something in Zoe that allowed her to stay strong, to keep going despite the loss of her entire world. River saw it in her, saw it in her eyes, heard it in her heartbeat. The third month went by, and River woke in her bed, gasping for breath. Her eyes wide, she bolted out of her room, tearing down the hall, up to the galley. Zoe was there, having just climbed out of her bunk, wearing only a soft blue night robe. In her trembling hands were blood-stained sheets. The once unshakable Zoe was falling apart in front of her. So much red. It was so bright, it blinded her. River inhaled sharply as Zoe looked to her. More blood was dripping onto the metal floor. A quieted, anguished cry left her mouth painfully as she sank down, folding into herself like a crumpled piece of paper. Serenity seemed to sink with grief. Zoe didn't speak. She never did on these kinds of things, but River knew.

River knew that Zoe had been able to carry on because she had been pregnant. Wash had known, too. They'd discovered it in the midst of the chaos of Miranda, and had never even gotten to celebrate. Wash had died knowing that they were bringing into this world a beautiful baby, and with that knowledge, Zoe had been able to face it all. Now that the baby was gone too, she was lost. This moment of pure devastation lasted only a moment, as Zoe struggled to right herself, River moved quickly, grabbing the sheets and folding them underneath her left arm before reaching for Zoe with her right. Together, they made their way to the infirmary. The elder woman was silent now, but tears still streamed down her face. River didn't say a word, but left her there on the table to fetch her brother.

Simon was easy to find – he was always in Kaylee's bunk. River climbed down the hatch, breaching the privacy of the two lovers. River was not embarrassed, but placed a hand on her brother's exposed shoulder. Simon woke with a start, also bringing Kaylee out of her own slumber. One look at River's somber face and he knew something was wrong. "Infirmary. Zoe needs you." Simon went to protest, but River retreated, visibly shaken, and was not seen for two days. She was in mourning.

Inara. Wash. Book. The baby. These losses shook Serenity and her crew at their very core. River sat on the floor of the bridge with her back to the entrance, Stegosaurus in one hand, T-Rex in the other. River's lips moved, her voice barely a whisper. "And we will call it…"

She heard his boots before she heard him. River acted as if she hadn't noticed his presence, but she could feel him deep in her bones. "How's my ship, little one?" he asked, taking his seat. If he was still jaded over Inara's departure the previous week, he didn't show it.

"Recovering," was her reply, not looking up. Mal couldn't help but notice how innocent she seemed, sprawled out on the floor, playing with dinosaurs. What he couldn't say was that there was anything childlike about her. Her nineteenth birthday had long gone, and it wasn't hard to ignore the way she was more of a woman than ever. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him through that long curtain of dark hair.

"She wonders if this pain will ever leave her." River's words set a frown upon his face, and he leaned back, resting his boots against the edge of the console. It was clear Mal understood that River wasn't talking about the ship. It nearly frightened him how much he understood her riddles.

"Well, little albatross, you should know by about now that nothing lasts. We may feel like the objects around us are gonna be the objects around us forever, cos we can touch 'em, feel 'em, even hurt ourselves on 'em. They seem solid, an' real, and lord help me if I live to see the day this becomes the truth about Serenity," He tapped his boot on the edge of the console to prove his point. "But, if there's one thing I've learned in all of these years, it's that nothing lasts. Not even pain as sharp as this. Time dulls every ache, you take enough of it." His words soothed her, and she breathed a heavy sigh. She looked up, meeting his eyes with a piercing, knowing gaze. And he looked right back.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" River questioned.

"Not in the traditional sense, no," he explained. "Do I think Wash is on high somewhere lookin' down on us and makin' humorous remarks? I don't know. Sure is a nice thought, though."

River pursed her lips thoughtfully. "The Penrose Theory states that human consciousness comes from microtubules inside our brain cells that are responsible for quantum processing, and that a person's personality could be able to survive death and exist as a separate entity." She'd lost Mal at 'microtubules'. There was a small silence as he looked at her incredulously. River stared at her laces, away from Mal. Sadness filled her as she spoke:

"The silence that fills up the space where someone you love once was. That's a ghost. And they follow us everywhere, making our hearts heavy. But we carry them anyway. Until we let it take us home."

When they started taking jobs again, Simon no longer protested when River went along. Mal, River, Jayne, and Zoe took just about any job they could find, too. Oftentimes River was silent, only speaking up when she needed to. Though she'd displayed an incredibly amount of grace and skill fighting the Reavers, she did not take any weapons, nor did she fight when a job went a little sideways, as rarely as that happened. She simply danced about, gave warnings when needed, and made jokes with Jayne about how she could kill him with her brain. Sometimes they didn't realize how necessary she was, but everything had been working out in their favor ever since she started coming along. One day, as they returned to Serenity from a particularly close call, Zoe brought it to attention.

"Kinda eerie how well things seem to be goin' for us lately," she remarked, raising a brow to her captain, her face stone.

Jayne was quick to pitch in as they divided up the loot. "Yeah, ever since Moonbrain became a regular part of the job crew, we ain't had a lick a' trouble we couldn't see the other side of. I kinda miss when your plans would go sideways and I'd get to see some real action." Though it was good-natured, Mal did not seem too pleased.

"She's got a name, Jayne," he retorted back, "And are you two whining about not gettin' shot at? Because I can fix that, real quick like." River picked up a shiny piece of gold out of her bag, staring transfixed as if she'd never seen one before. A crease appeared between her brows, as she was seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were talking about her.

"Of course not, sir. Just not used to things going our way so much." Zoe's words were strong, steady, as always. Jayne shrugged it off. River disappeared from sight in the certain graceful way she had about her. Mal hadn't even noticed until he looked over to speak at her and she was gone.

There were a hundred places she could hide on the ship, but Mal found her in her favorite spot. In the kitchen pantry, top shelf corner. Her hair fell down off of the shelf as she lay on her side, just at head-height. "I ain't even rightly sure how you get up there, little one."

She turned to him, her eyes narrow. "I'm not a little!"

Her hostility was surprising. "Whoa there," he backpedaled, putting his hands up. "What's this about, then?" River squirmed in place, her eyes full of something Mal couldn't quite make sense of. Maybe frustration, maybe anger. Confusion, pain.

"It's always _little_. _Little_ one. _Little_ albatross. _Little_ River. I know you don't see me as a _little_ in your dreams," she said, and Mal's mouth dropped. He was speechless. River hopped down from the shelf, and he took a step away from her. When she noticed how he removed himself, her face fell again. "Then he becomes _scared_ of the little weapon. When will _this_ stop lasting? He said nothing lasts forever. Not a little. Not a weapon. Just a girl!" And then she bolted, leaving him without a single word to call after her.

 _Gorrammit_. How did the _ta ma de_ she know about that? Mal stood in the pantry, running a hand through his hair. He was a dirty, dirty old man and she knew it. Could he be blamed? Mal couldn't help but notice the woman she'd somehow turned into. He'd have to be blind not to. But his policy against on-ship relationships was firm, and even if Kaylee and Simon were going to openly go against it, it didn't give him the right to. Besides, he was too old for her, almost fifteen years her senior. He was too jaded, too mean, too everything. Too anything. _Now I sound like River_ , he thought, finally emerging from the sparse pantry.

When it was time for lights out, the ache in his chest was ever present, even as he managed to drift off into a rough sleep. His nights consisted of two things: nightmares of Reavers, or dreams of River. Dreams of her weren't always of a sexual nature, either. Sometimes she was just dancing. He'd happened upon her practicing some form of fancy ballet a few times, and had never been able to shake the image. The lights playing against her dress, outlining her silhouette. The smile across her face. Other times, yes, she was keeping his bed warm. Those nights made him feel the worst. He would jolt awake, look about for some rhyme or reason for his torment, and take a cold shower. Somehow, she always seemed to cross his path immediately after, though she'd never even hinted at knowledge of the inner workings of his mind before.

Tonight, he was tormented another way. This time his dreams were disturbed by Reavers. Mal was tied down, his limbs frozen in space. They tore open his chest, ripped gaping holes that even the Doc couldn't patch up. He screamed aloud in his dreams, and rolled fitfully in his sleep. That night, something about the usual rape, torture, flesh-eating nightmare seemed different. The screams of his crew lessened, and another voice fluttered into his consciousness.

"Mal. Shhhhh, it's okay."

The pictures kept going, but everything was silent. He could see the Reaver's face as it continued to do unspeakable things to his flesh, but it was as if all of the sound had been sucked out. Her voice cut through the silence.

"This isn't real."

Mal took a deep breath, and the images of the monstrosity above him began to fade.

"Nothing lasts."

The Reavers dissolved into nothingness. Only she remained.

 _I wanted Malcolm to stop me. I wanted him to pull me into his arms and ask me to give up my life for him, to travel the universe with him. But as he looked away, I knew that would never happen. Not only that, I knew that we would be miserable together. You know, he never really said goodbye that second time. I knew that any future we might have had together was over. I loved him, truly. But that wasn't enough. It never was._

 _\- Inara Serra._


	2. Chapter Two, River, No

**Chapter Two. River, no.**

River hated to be around Kaylee and Simon. She loved them both dearly, but they were so in love and always _touching_. It made her insides squirm. It sent heat between her legs, and any time they even brushed against one another, she would find an excuse to leave the room. At first she'd been fascinated by their new intimacy, and had even seen them make love a few times. She'd catch them off guard when they would get caught up in their passions in the engine room. Back then, it had excited her. It was something new that she'd never experienced. Now it had become too much for her to bear.

It was also a startling realization when Simon discovered that River wasn't having menstruations. They'd learned that the Alliance had gone so far as to sterilize her as part of their experimentation. Simon was certain he could reverse it, but River had asked him not to worry. It wasn't something she wanted to deal with anyway. He had agreed at first, but then he'd looked at her angrily. "Don't think this means you can have sex," he warned sternly, and she just rolled her eyes at him and told him what a boob he was. River wasn't a girl. She _was_ a girl, but wasn't. She was a woman-girl. Girl-woman. These thoughts plagued later her as she hid from Kaylee and Simon in the cockpit. Knees to chest, she stared out into the black.

Her time as a pilot was amazing. She'd taken over the position because of interest, but now she flew because it gave her purpose. Every day she studied, pouring over the Cortex to get any new knowledge she could. She memorized distances to planets, docking information, and maps of entire systems. Today, however, she had no interest in learning. There were too many voices in her head, voices telling her their secrets; whispering and screaming. She tried to tune them out, but it hurt in the brainpan. To distract herself, she conducted a mental scan of the crew aboard Serenity. Zoe was cleaning up her bunk, setting the remainder of Wash's things in a bottom compartment. Jayne was lifting weights, thinking of… well, nothing. Kaylee was teaching Simon about the engine, going over some basic mechanics that he wasn't really paying attention to.

Mal was sitting next to her, sharpening a knife, running through the ways he knew how to disarm a man. They had been sitting in silence for a few hours, but River suddenly inhaled sharply. Narrowing her eyes curiously, she pursed her lips.

"Cysteine-tyrosine-isoleucine-glutamine-asparagine-cysteine-proline-leucine-glycine-amide." One long word slipped out of her mouth, dancing on her tongue as if she'd said it a hundred times.

"Bless ya'." Mal didn't even look at her. River let out a sharp breath of air. Exasperation?

"Love," she explained. Mal stopped, mid-sharpen, and looked to her. She examined his face acutely, observing the way his brow cocked at her; a question mark on his expression.

"What d'you know about love, little- er... 'scuse me." Pause. Long breath. _Try again._ "What d'you know about love, River?" It was almost a challenge. The air around them thickened, and she clung even tighter to her legs.

"Everything that can be explained with facts based in science," was her quick reply. "Dopamine. Oxytocin. Reproduction. Companionship. The science is there. But there's another component, one that can't be tested with the scientific method." The corner of Mal's mouth turned up into a grin. There was a short silence before she asked, "Ever been in love?" The grin faded, and his attention faded away away from her and into a distant past.

"Reckon I have a few times." He replied distantly. River saw them in his eyes, the objects of his long forgotten affection. A sweet, dark-skinned girl back on Shadow that he left behind to explore the universe. A rough and tumble, long-haired pirate queen who'd disappeared into thin air after they'd been made. And then a fellow soldier, a redhead with startling blue eyes, who had died in his arms in the first battle of the war. Three times, she counted. River felt as though she knew them personally as she watched them through Mal's eyes. There was a flicker of Inara, but they'd never even kissed. He hardly imagined that as love. "Been a minute, though."

"And you've been married," River added, a wide smirk spreading its way across her face. Her eyes danced with laughter.

Mal shook his head, laughing along good-naturedly. "And I been married. Once. Was nothing short of a disaster, I'd say." River agreed, and was quiet for a moment. Silence lapsed over them, Serenity humming along quietly towards Beaumonde.

River deadpanned: "I apologize for what I said about your dreams. It may have been inappropriate." Mal flushed now, opening his mouth to reply, but she cut him off. "You dream so loudly," she added dismissively. "Your thoughts call me in the night, wake me and pull me out of the black. Especially when your dreams are bad. Or about me. But I'm not embarrassed." She looked at him dead in the eye, even though his face was growing redder by the second. "I have dreams about you too."

"Ri-River, I-" Deep breath. "I don't think this is a conversation I rightly want to be havin'. " But River frowned at him. She always got what she wanted. As a girl, she was spoiled by their parents, and then even at the Academy she was given special treatment compared to the others. Even though the Alliance had stripped away a large part of who she was, she would always be that stubborn girl.

"Why not?" She questioned, letting her feet slide off the edge of the chair and touch the cool ground.

"I-I'm an old man, an' you're just a bitty girl." He was flustered. "Book told me there was a special place in hell for that. A real special place."

River stood, her long legs taking her even closer. She was a sight to see: long brown hair cascading almost wildly down to her waist, worn blue dress clinging to her like a tired ghost, and black combat boots rooting her securely on the ground.

She shook her head. "Not just a girl. Not an old man."

"Your brother would have some words with me for certain. And then murder me in a way that looked like an accident."

"Simon is not my keeper." Mal regained his composure, sitting up straight and then standing to match her in this battle. His arms were crossed, and he had put his Captain face on. She'd caught him off guard, that was all. Now he was ready for whatever she had to say.

"Well, darlin', he kinda is. He even likes to think his authority over you goes above mine." River sighed, crossing her arms as well. Mal felt some of the tension leave him as he noticed her pout. He wanted to laugh, but didn't dare. "Hold a moment. So's you mean to tell me that you don't mind that some old pervert who deserves a special place in hell is thinkin' about you in those kinds'a ways? And you say you'd dreamed about me too?" The tables had turned.

Now it was River's turn to blush. She froze up, unable to come up with an intelligent remark.

Mal grinned, shaking his head again. He stood from his chair, and reached over to place a hand on her shoulder and press a chaste kiss on the top of her head.

"You don't know what you're gettin' into, Albatross." He turned away, leaving River with a burning sensation where he'd touched her, as if his skin had turned hers to fire. She thought herself red from her head to her toes. There were many ways she'd seen that conversation ending, and that was not one of them.

"Cap'n," Zoe's voice greeted him from down the galley.

"I'll be in my bunk." River hardly heard his reply. Instead, she stared straight ahead, not sure what had just transpired. She'd meant to be so confident as she'd made a pass at Captain Tightpants, and all she'd done was embarrass him, and herself.

The next two weeks, five days, seven hours, thirty eight minutes and twelve seconds were torture. They took entirely longer than they should have. River avoided him every for a day after that encounter, but no one asked questions. She couldn't stop thinking about the captain, and the way she felt when he touched her. They'd taken three jobs, and she'd spoken to the captain when necessary, but the smirk on his face when he saw her was too much for her to take sometimes. He kept the mood lighthearted, but she felt like a fool. Her mind was clouded until that night, when she woke with a scream in the back of her throat. It wasn't her own, but the Captain's. He was having nightmares again. She tried to close her eyes and console him from her bed, but unlike the other nights when she would simply speak to him, he wasn't calming. The dream just got worse as she implanted herself into his mind.

This dream was different. River watched a dream version of herself being ripped to shreds, limbs being torn off of her body by brute force, violated by Reavers with labcoats on. The sight didn't bother her as much as it bothered Malcolm Reynolds, who was bound as well, screaming for them to let her go. Real River got out of bed and tip-toed her way to the captain's bunk. Even before she crawled silently down the ladder, she could hear him tossing.

"River! No!" He shouted in his sleep, and River paused for a moment to make sure no one else was stirring.

Dropping to the floor, she allowed the hatch door to close back behind her. Mal was in a state of undress that unnerved her. He wore nothing to sleep but a pair of shorts. Still, she moved to him, kneeling at the side of his bed. The cold metal floor bit sharply at her knees.

"Malcolm," she spoke quietly, using his full first name. It sounded odd coming out of her mouth, but he stopped twitching. Her tone changed, softened. "Mal…" She didn't want to wake him, but her hand had a mind of it's own as it pushed the sweaty hair off of his brow, and caressed the side of his face for a brief moment. _Nothing lasts. Not even this moment. Be still._ Mal began to still. River stayed for a few moments in time, but when she got up to leave, his hand grabbed her own. She let out a startled gasp that she was sure would wake him.

"River," he said, his voice sleepy. "No." She stood there, frozen in time. What did he want from her? Was he sleeping? River stared so intently she thought she'd burn a hole into his face. She honestly couldn't be certain. It was dark, and his eyes were closed. His hand pulled her to him, and she awkwardly climbed into the place he was guiding her to: next to him in bed. They faced each other, River's legs becoming oddly entangled in his own. Mal had obviously slept next to many women, and folded her into him as if he had done it a hundred times. River hardly knew what to do with her gangly limbs, and frowned. For a few moments she felt at odds with herself, trying to do some multiplication tables in her mind to calm her racing mind.

"River…" It was quiet now, and Mal pulled her closer still. She could feel the hardness of him against her stomach, and it ignited a flame within her where she had only felt sparks of before. Taking a deep breath, she allowed herself to sink into him as she exhaled. He smelled like leather and soap and gunpowder and dopamine. The moment she closed her eyes, she fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep, something she'd never experienced before.

In the morning, Mal woke softly, which was strange for him. Usually when he came out of his slumber it was sharp, with him sitting straight up in his bed and gasping for breath. But the dim light of the cabin cast a light on something else entirely. River Tam, in his bed, her mouth open and a tiny bit of drool hanging out. She looked content. He'd seen her take down an entire bar full of men and women, but it was hard to imagine that this sweet girl was capable of such acts of violence. Without even questioning the fact that she was in his bed, wrapped up in him no less, he gently brushed a piece of hair out of her face. He'd never wanted to kiss her as much as he did right then.

"River," he said, his voice hoarse from sleep. She stirred, but moved closer to him. How did she know to do that? "River…" She blinked her eyes open now, staring into his own before taking in her surroundings.

"Never done that before." Her comment didn't surprise him.

"I can imagine you ain't slept in the same bed as someone before." But River shook her head at his assumption.

"Never slept without dreams. Without the nightmares." Oh. Mal pulled away from her gently, glancing down at the girl in his bed.

 _The girl in his bed._

"Yes, Simon is probably going to kill you," River added, echoing his thoughts aloud.

He frowned a bit, and adjusted her disheveled dress so that she was decent in front of him. "That's unnerving, Albatross."

"So are you." She didn't miss a beat.

"This can't be happening, River girl. You and me… it just ain't right. Don't get me wrong, you're beautiful, completely genius too, and any man'd be lucky to have you in his arms at dawn's first light. But I ain't any good for you." He gently began to pull away from her. She met his gaze with a steely one of her own.

"There's no dawn in the black," River replied easily. Mal rolled his eyes, and she smiled for a moment, and allowed a small silence to fall over them. When she did spoke, it struck his heart. "I'm going to fall in love with you." Her statement was so matter of factly, she could have been reciting physics again. But if he thought that was unnerving, he wasn't at all prepared for what she was about to say. "And then I'm going to die. The voices in my head will be silenced. River the Girl will be no more. Nothing lasts, remember?"

"What?" he asked, concern washing over him. "River, no. That's not going to happen. No one on this boat will let that happen."

"They will. It will be on Serenity."

"But you've seen it, now you can tell me how it happens and-and we can change it." He felt as if he was fighting a losing battle by the way she met his gaze and held him hostage there. He'd never been so disarmed by a look before.

"Maybe," was her short reply. She finally looked away. "I've seen all of our deaths a hundred times. Jayne getting thrown out of the airlock. Getting shot. Simon's brain splattered over Kaylee. Falls from a building. Kaylee's lifeblood drains out of her in childbirth. They don't happen. But they will." There was a short silence.

"What about me?" Mal asked, not sure if he wanted to know. She sat up, dragging her knees to her chest. There's small silence, and she gazes straight up into the ceiling; looking far off as if she's staring into space itself.

"Me," she finally said. "I kill you."

 _River wasn't the same after Miranda. Sure, she seemed 'better', and that made Simon real happy. But she avoided us together. I always worried she didn't approve. She always looked at me with those big eyes and I wished I could just hug her, y'know? I wanted to hold her and tell her everythin' was okay. Mostly I just miss horsin' around with her, talking about boys. Sure she comes around, but not if Simon and I are together. "She's very perceptive," Simon'd say. "Maybe we just make her uncomfortable." Well I sure wish we didn't. Maybe we coulda talked more. Maybe we'da been closer and she coulda told me things._

 _Kaylee Frye_


	3. Chapter Three, Passengers

**Chapter Three. Passengers.**

Kaylee looked up at the captain, a bit hopeful, a bit apprehensive. "Are we really taking on passengers in Beaumonde?" she asked quietly as they prepped for landing.

"We sure are, little Kaylee," was his easy reply. Mal grinned at her as he fiddled with some straps on their cargo, getting it ready to take to their buyer. "You know the drill. So long as they aren't rich doctors with strange cargo and they can pay a fare, they're more'n welcome aboard. Oh, and no Feds either." Simon snorted as he approached, coming up behind Kaylee and kissing her neck. Kaylee giggled, reaching back behind her to give Simon's hair a gentle tug, and Mal averted his eyes. As soon as he did, he caught sight of River standing just off to the side by the stairs to the catwalk, regarding him. The corner of her lip turned upwards as she turned away, and Mal felt his stomach give a jolt. River had made his life complicated from the moment she'd arrived into his life, and she would probably continue to do so for all of time. "'Asides," he added, "I reckon this boat's feelin' a bit empty as of late."

Zoe and Jayne met him in the cargo bay, River appearing with perfect timing, as usual. "Now you sure you don't want to carry?" Mal offered her. She gazed up at him with her wide eyes. "We've got a few extra guns about your size. Not that you need it, I reckon."

"No touching guns," she recited, and Mal rolled his eyes. "Don't make faces."

"You're never going to let that go, are you? Fine by me, Albatross." With a shake of his head, they headed out into the overcrowded city, Jayne and Mal each carrying a crate of goods.

"Think we'll pick up anyone interesting?" Zoe asked, sounding intrigued as she glanced back for a moment.

Mal shrugged. "Don't reckon we care as long as they can pay. Kaylee's been complainin' that Serenity's startin' to fall apart. I've already had one scare, I ain't lookin' for another."

"Not supposed to talk to strangers," River added, and Mal laughed.

He nudged her, grinning widely. "Don't make 'em much stranger than we've already got." River laughed too, and shook her head.

Back at Serenity, Kaylee and Simon were sitting outside of the airlock on some folding chairs, tasked with greeting and boarding passengers. Kaylee had her iconic blue umbrella, and Simon couldn't help but be taken back to the day he first saw this ship.

"Honestly I thought she was the ugliest ship I'd ever seen," he recounted to her, poking Kaylee's side. She gasped loudly, obviously offended, but still smiled. Truth was, he'd been scared out of his mind of flying, but so determined to get his sister off of Persephone before someone noticed him that his fear had been put on the back-burner.

"You did not! Serenity's a real beauty. Prettiest ship _I_ ever seen." She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he kissed her hair.

" _You're_ the prettiest," Simon added sweetly, causing her to guffaw.

Their first interested passenger was a tall fellow, though portly around the middle, with short brown hair and bright green eyes. He was well dressed enough, but had a casual, at-ease air about him. The man may have been forty at the oldest, and carried nothing but a small suitcase and a leather bag at his side. "Firefly class," he noted aloud with a lilt in his tone. "That's interesting. Are you taking passengers?" His voice was low, smooth like butter.

Kaylee stood quickly, and reached out her hand to shake his own. "You betcha! I'm Kaylee, and this is my ship, Serenity. Best ship in the 'verse. Where ya' headed?"

"That's quite a grip you've got!" The man grinned widely, amused. "Best ship in the 'verse, eh? Well, who can pass that up? I'm not headed any way in particular. Just ready to get somewhere I can see the stars and maybe have some adventure. I'm West, pleased to meet you miss Kaylee. Is this your captain?" he questioned, turning to Simon. Once upon a time, the doctor would have stammered out a nervous 'no', but he laughed instead.

"Not quite," he replied, standing as well. "I'm just the medic. Simon."

West still seemed interested. "Just the medic, eh? No formal training or anything?" Simon's mouth fell open for a second as he wondered how to reply.

"Ah, I'm actually a doctor. But medic sounds less pretentious." While Simon was being humble, Kaylee beamed with pride. Her love for him was clearly written across her sweet, innocent face.

"He's even fixed me up a couple times! Best there is. Used to be a fancy-pants trauma surgeon back on Osiris, but now he's one of the crew!" Simon flushed as she entwined her fingers with his own. His free hand went to his hair, running through the strands nervously. The story was more complicated than that. It was still awkward introducing himself to people. Even though he was no longer a wanted fugitive, he still had a deep-seated fear of the Alliance finding him, and that kind of fear was hard to let go.

"You'll have to forgive my pestering questions," West replied. "I'm curious by nature. Y'see, I'm a writer, but things have been slow for me lately, so I thought I'd get off of this rock and find some muse. I can pay, of course," he explained, and showed them some coin.

Kaylee looked happier than a kid in a candy simulator. "Shiny! That sounds lovely. We're excited to have you aboard, I'll show you around the ship! Simon, wanna stay and watch for more passengers? Cap'n said we could bring up to four!" Simon nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets and turning back to the crowd. It was a while before anyone else came by.

Finally, a young couple approached. Simon noticed they'd been staring at the ship listings for a while, as if they were searching for something specific, before coming over to him.

"Hey, you two looking for a ride?" he asked. Kaylee's extroversion had been rubbing off on him, making it easier to talk to strangers. Besides, he figured that more passengers meant better parts for the ship, which always filled Kaylee with joy. That in itself was something worth going out of his comfort zone for. The couple had quite a few bags, and when the wife let on slip and rest on the ground for a moment, Simon noticed she was very, very pregnant.

"Yeah, actually," the man replied. They were a handsome couple, no older than their mid twenties. The woman was rather tiny, and her swollen belly made her seem even tinier. Her short hair was black as night, cut at a bob that bounced around her ears. Her husband was a short fellow, too, though he was a few inches taller than her. Their clothing hinted to him that they came from money, but they were humble in their manner.

"We noticed on your manifest that you have a medical doctor on board," the woman chimed in, her voice light and soft. Everything about her was graceful. She reminded him of River, instantly endearing her to him.

"That'll be me," he replied, pride coloring his words. "How far along are you?"

"Eight months," the man chimed in, also quite proudly. "We're hoping to make it to Persephone before she pops. I'm Mathias, and this is my wife Kiva."

"Congratulations," Simon said, though his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm not going to lie to you, I've only delivered one baby before as the primary, but we should have the right equipment on board should something happen before schedule. And we'll be by Persephone in about three weeks." At that moment Kaylee came back, was quick to inquire as to if they would be joining them. Her excitement almost made Simon nervous. Not that he ever needed a reason.

Kiva smiled, blushing. "What do you think, dear?" Matthias lifted the bags his wife had set down.

"I think this'll do." Kaylee jumped for joy, and Simon was happy that _she_ was happy. Honestly, the idea of delivering another baby terrified him, but he would do whatever was needed of him.

Simon showed them to their room, and helped them get settled in, as Kaylee had done for West. He explained to them the same routine Mal had done for him on his first day on the ship. Which, at this point, felt like ages ago. By the time he rejoined Kaylee at the front, Mal and the rest of the crew had returned from the drop. It seemed like a relatively successful adventure, and the coins jingling in Mal's pockets confirmed.

"How'd it go?" he asked curiously. Jayne was noticeably pissed, and he had knot on his head the size of an apple.

"Jayne's mad because he didn't duck quick enough," River explained. Zoe and Mal were poorly concealing their laughter.

"Ruttin' bar fights," Jayne groaned. "Y'didn't give me enough time was all." His pride was hurt more than anything.

"False," River stated, "Humans only need one point three seconds to react to sudden events. I gave you three." Jayne glared, and made a mean face at her. She stuck her tongue out at him and danced away from his reach.

"Do you need me to take a look at that for you?" Simon offered, but Jayne waved him off.

"Did we get any passengers?" Mal asked, cocking a brow at Kaylee.

Kaylee couldn't be happier to tell him the good news. "Sure did, boss! Three of 'em! They should be back down here to meet you in a minute!" As if on cue, the three passengers, already exchanging introductions, returned to the cargo bay.

"Cap'n, this West, he's a writer," Kaylee explained happily. "West, this is-"

"The captain. What a pleasure," West said, reaching his hand out. Mal regarded him for a moment before returning the gesture.

"The name's Mal, sure is a pleasure to have you folk on board." He turned to the couple, and then noticed Kiva's advanced state, and glanced to the doctor for assurance. "Whoa there. We have a permit for this load?" Mal asked, giving a grin. Kiva and Mathias chuckled, but River was eyeing Zoe. The first mate was obviously ill at ease, but after a few deep breaths she was able to regain her composure as they exchanged introductions. No one else seemed to notice. River bit her tongue, trying not to recite the babble in her head from all of the voices that swarmed her brain. While she was getting better at filtering out other people's thoughts, large groups made it difficult for her to concentrate.

Mal went on with the introductions, oblivious to the struggles of two of his crewmates. "This here's the crew: here's my first mate Zoe. Appears like you've met my mechanic and the doc. This fella here's called Jayne, and this wild animal is our pilot, River." River had moved forward, bending over and staring at the baby bump. She was making Mathias uncomfortable, but for some reason Kiva didn't feel the slightest bit awkward.

"She's an old soul," River stated, though it sounded like she was talking about herself, Mal suspected she was talking about the child. Placing a hand on the girl's shoulder, he reigned her in.

"Anyways, dinner's at seven. River, let's take off." River saluted comically, dancing away after the captain.

"Actually, I brought some foodstuffs," Mathias announced, showing a bag of fresh fruit and vegetables.

"Oh, Mathias _loves_ to cook," Kiva explained, placing a proud hand on his arm. "We were hoping you'd let him prepare a meal for all of us as a thank you for taking us on." This was an instant hit.

"Shiny! Ain't gonna hear no complaints against that," Jayne remarked, obviously excited to have someone cook him a meal.

Up in the cockpit, Mal's hand brushed against River's as they entered, sending shivers up his arm. River turned to him, regarding him through those dark lashes. He hated when she did that. Mal had a hard time thinking of anything else when she gave him that look.

"What do you think of our passengers?" he asked her, taking his seat before she did something else that made him want to kiss her pretty mouth. A distraction.

"They're lovely. Mathias is carrying a gun, and the baby is thinking about coming early, but I don't think she will." Mal snorted.

"That's about what we need on this boat. A baby." River frowned, her mind spinning back to the blood on Zoe's sheets. Then a pair of sharp eyes interrupted.

"Weston Oro… now he'll be interesting. Everything so shiny and new..."

Mal turned to her. "He got somethin' to hide?"

River shook her head. "Quite the opposite. He can be trusted," she explained.

"With what?"

"Anything."

"Oh." Mal didn't know what that meant. He suppose he wouldn't until after it happened. That usually about how things went with her. "You know Albatross, you've been quiet-like lately. Kinda missin' our conversations. Somethin' botherin' you?"

River stared at her feet. There was a moment of quiet before she replied. "You know." That morning that he had woken up with her next to him, he'd ended up asking her to leave. Her feelings were still hurt, and she the more she tried to ignore those feelings, the stronger she felt them.

"River…" He let out a sigh, and rested his elbows on his knees. "What do you think is gonna happen? If we start to get all close-like, imagine what that could do to the ship, the crew. Your brother would still kill me."

River didn't say anything for a few moments. As usual, when she did speak, her poignant words stuck to him.

"Your mouth says one thing but your heart says another." She didn't break eye contact. "Malcolm Reynolds wants River to be his, but he's scared. He stares death head-on but he has a hard time looking at the water. He sees his reflection. He makes her think he doesn't want her…" She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as if she were trying to concentrate. "Sometimes I still get confused. I see you when you're not around. I hear your thoughts and your heartbeat. Some of it's made up and some of it can't be quantified. But I'm not a little. I want what I want." She peered at him, a hint of sadness in her tone. "Is it because I'm broken?"

Mal sighed, his heart in his throat. He finally stood, moving closer to her. He took her hand into his own, glancing at her pale, skinny fingers as he chose his words carefully. "I can't rightly call you broken, River. I ain't exactly right myself. I don't exactly broadcast it, but I s'pose you've seen enough. Call me a paranoid and crochety old man if you will, but yeah, Albatross. You scare me a bit. That ain't easy to say, neither." Her hand tingled. She wanted him to touch more of her, and she felt herself lean in closer towards him. River inhaled the smell of him in this proximity, and the scent clouded her mind and cleansed her at the same time. The voices quieted. She was just a girl, now. Not a weapon, not a Reader. Just a River-girl. Her lips parted, just slightly as she met his gaze. Mal brushed a stray hair out of her eyes, glancing up at the controls for a moment before looking back down at her. "Tell me sweet girl, do you really see a future between us?"

She closed her eyes for a moment. "The future isn't set, it isn't solid. It's in a liquid state, flowing between possibilities. In one place we're drowning, in another we float along. It depends on you." She placed her other hand on his chest. "Mal…" Finally she opened her eyes. His lips were closer to her own, and her breath hitched in her throat as his hands gently let hers go, his fingers drifting down to her waist. Her skin was electrified, and she heard his heart begin to race, thumping loudly in his chest. "They took everything away from the girl and made her into what they wanted. A weapon. An assassin. Now the girl wants to be her own. She wants to be yours."

Mal's chest tightened, ideas that Shepard Book would condemn him for dancing around in his head in black combat boots. "River…" It was a protest, but he wasn't pulling away from her. Her hand travelled up to his face, gently feeling the slight stubble of his cheek. His eyes closed, and let let out a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding. As soon as he did, River pressed up onto her toes, and brushed her lips against his. Instinctively, he moved to pulled her closer, to deepen the kiss, but she slipped out of his embrace. He felt the loss of her more than he was comfortable admitting, but a few moments later Zoe was on the bridge. Relief flooded through him as he silently thanked his pilot. He looked over at River, who was already flipping the controls, getting them ready to break atmo.

"Everything alright, sir?" The first mate inquired.

"Peachy keen."

"Ready for takeoff," River announced. As soon as the words left her mouth, the ground fell away from them. Zoe watched, studying the girl pilot as she navigated. Mal worried maybe she was being critical of their youngest crewmate. He always had a hard time reading what the women on his ship were thinking.

"She's a mighty fine pilot," Zoe commented, which sent a pang of sadness through River. River glanced at the dinosaurs on her dash for a moment as they broke atmo, and launched themselves into the wild, vastness of space.

"That she is," Mal replied, and placed a hand on his first mate's shoulder for a moment. Wash's absence would never be forgotten. His essence filled up the room like a heavy silence that fell over them as they soared through the black.

 _You know, a lot of people have asked me why I chose Serenity. Firefly classes were used in the Unification War, and then later for smuggling. I wanted to get away from it all, maybe get a good story. I had no idea that I'd find Malcolm Reynolds, or the Tams. How could I? The chances of that… Would I go back and change anything? Hmm… I imagine now. I still think it all happened for a reason, as badly as it turned out. The time I spent on that ship changed my life. Everyone's life, I imagine, in the long run._

 _West Oros_


	4. Chapter Four, She was doing so well

**Chapter Four. She was doing so well.**

"I'd say, this is the finest dinner I ever had on this ship," Jayne commented, his usually vulgar mouth now stuffed with food. Simon frowned, shaking his head at the man's manners, but everyone else laughed.

"Mathias, you keep this up and I might even discount your fare," Mal added, pointing his fork at their delicious meal.

"We're only gettings sixty three percent of our calcium intake needed, and less than forty eight percent of required daily vitamin B," River interjected pointedly as she took a nibble of potato. Once again, Simon shook his head. Still, she added: "The round ones are my favorite."

"Sorry, it nearly literally kills her to say thank you," Simon added in defense of her absent manners. "She was also raised in a barn." Everyone laughed, including River.

West tilted his head. "You and your sister, you're from the Core, are you not? How did you end up travelling the great big 'verse here on Serenity?" The table fell silent, which did not go unnoticed by West. "Ah. Sore subject, I see."

"No," Mal tried to explain. "Well, kinda-"

"We were wanted fugitives," River deadpanned. "Serenity took us in, protected us. Saved us." Kaylee smiled softly, and Simon reached over and touched River's hand.

"Saved you?" West inquired. "The ship?" River nodded her 'yes' as she took another bite and glanced at her plate.

"It's kind of a long story," Mal interjected awkwardly.

But West wasn't giving up. "Those are my _favorite_. Maybe I can steal you later to hear this exciting tale?" Mal shrugged, glancing around the table. Simon shrugged, and Zoe pretended as if the conversation wasn't happening.

"Maybe," was all the captain would give.

River sat up straight, and glanced across the table. "Emmaline's hungry." The crew and passengers were quite confused at the addition of this unknown passenger 'Emmaline', but the attention turned to Kiva as she turned a bright shade of red. She hadn't eaten her food yet, and everyone else was nearly finished.

"Aren't you hungry, dear?" Mathias asked, and she gave a shrug, pushing her food around on her plate a little.

"Well, yeah, I've just been feeling nauseated. I think I need some time to get used to the artificial gravity."

Simon tilted his head to the side. "Wait... Emmaline?" He almost regretted asking.

River fidgeted in her seat as she finished off her potatoes. "The baby. Emmaline." As if this should have obvious to everyone.

Mathias was confused. "But we only officially decided that name before dinner. How could she…?"

Simon interjected, trying to make it sound like this wasn't a big deal. "My sister… well, she's very, er... intuitive. She's also has incredible perception. She can take some getting used to." Kiva stared at River for a short while.

"You remind me of my own sister," Kiva admitted. She was the only one who didn't need any 'getting used to'. She looked at River as if she'd known the girl for her entire life.

"I know," was River's quick reply. "Emma."

Mathias looked around the table, obviously disturbed. "Okay, this is starting to get really weird." All eyes were on River, who was now staring intently at her plate. Simon winced, wishing she wouldn't do this in front of strangers. They'd almost gotten burned at the stake for this once.

Kiva placed a hand on her husband's. "No, honey, it's okay. Emma was like River. She used to say these things all of the time."

"Until she went to the Academy," River noted, and took the final bite of her potatoes. Kiva wasn't shocked at her knowledge, though the same could not be said for the rest of the crew.

"Right. Until she went to the Academy." There was a silence.

"Are you meanin' to tell me that your sister went to the same _gorram_ institution that River did?" Mal questioned, his expression enraged as he set his utensils down.

"Yes. Except Emma…" Kiva folded her hands on the table. The gesture made her seem even smaller. "Well, she never came back."

River shook her head, her face began to contort with pain. Suddenly there were tears in her eyes, and falling down her cheeks. By now, everyone had stopped eating, aside from Jayne.

"Didn't know her," River stated. "Wasn't allowed playtime after..."

"Oh, River…" Simon got up, moving to her side. "I think I should take her to her room."

"Used to hear singing..." River was slipping now, talking too loudly, slipping worse than Mal had seen her since Miranda. The whole scene was disarming for the Captain. He'd gotten used to the idea of River as a strong girl, without breakdowns.

"I think that's a good idea," Mal seconded, moving to her side as well.

"I'm so sorry," Kiva said. It was hurt turn to stare at her plate. "She reminds me so much of her. She's been gone for so long. I didn't mean any harm."

Kaylee busied herself cleaning up after dinner, and Zoe saw the opportunity to help and took it. Mathias comforted his visibly upset wife, and West watched the whole interaction silently, paying close attention.

"Well. Things getting a mite too fuzzy wuzzy for me in here. I'll be in my bunk," Jayne announced after clearing off his plate. Mal and Simon helped River up, who was just about catatonic now, her lips moving and tears continuing to fall. Between the two of them, they were able to remove River from the room.

Once they had gotten to the catwalk, Mal could hear what she was saying. The lightbulb above her room flickered. "Still there. Still singing. Little bird... " Her progression towards catatonia was incredibly painful to watch. An ache pulled at his chest, gnawed at his stomach.

After they'd tucked her into bed and left her room, Simon sighed, running a hand over his brow. Mal couldn't tell if his medic was disappointed in himself or at her. "She was doing so well."

"Well, even us normal folk all have bad days," Mal offered as a consolation, scratching the back of his neck. "Maybe River's are just worse than most folk. What are the odds, though? How many a' those kids did the Academy take?"

Simon shrugged, still shaken from dinner. "Twenty, thirty maybe. But there was also a morgue. Some of the 'pupils' couldn't handle what they did… some died in training. Others on the operating table. They were pushing these kids to their limits. You see what they did to River, and she was their 'star pupil'."

Mal shuddered. "I say we leave her be for now. We'll keep an eye out in case she gets into anythin' like she used to. I know she's gotten better, but I ain't seen her like this in a while. I just wanna make sure everyone's safe." Eventually, Simon begrudgingly agreed.

Mal made his way back to the common area. The dining area had cleared out except for West, who waited with a cup of coffee, just as promised.

"West, ain't it?" Mal asked, pouring himself a cuppa.

"That's right, Captain. Weston Oro." Malcolm remembered River reciting his whole name to him earlier that afternoon. She really did know everything. "Quite a crew you've got here," West commented, to which Mal agreed easily. "Seems like you've been through alot together." A war-hardened, silently grieving widow, a trigger-hungry hired gun with a bad attitude, a permanently worried and paranoid medic, and a highly gifted mechanic who was in love with the doc. Oh, and not to mention his psychic, mind-boggling and sometimes unstable weapon of a pilot that invaded his dreams. Yeah, they were certainly a sight to see.

West's words interrupted his thoughts. "I hope you don't mind, but I looked you up on my personal Cortex. Saw you fought in the war for Independence. I respect that. I grew up on the Core, but only because my parents hitched a ride to Beaumonde from a dying Rim planet when I was three. I know the system isn't perfect."

"You got that right," Mal replied, shaking his head. He eyed the writer curiously. "What're you after?"

West grinned. "Ahh, I was hoping you'd ask me that. I'm after a story, Captain. Not just any story. _The_ story. I want to start with yours."

Mal chuckled. "It ain't a pretty one," was his reply. His smile faded as a thought crossed his mind. "If'n I tell you my story, you gonna put it in a fanciful book for all the 'Verse to see?"

"That's the idea," West replied, giving him a hard sell. "I'd do it with respect to you. I could spin it as fiction, change the names. Granted, even so, not many want their story out there. Tell you what. If you tell it all to me now, but you say you don't want me to write it, I'd still love to hear it."

Mal took another swig of coffee. "Well… I don't know what more damage it could do. For me, it started on Shadow…" he began, but stopped, noticing his empty cup. "We're gonna to need to brew another pot. "

"And the Operative just let you go?" West questioned with disbelief.

"Said we'd never see him again. And we ain't. Of course, I said if I ever _did_ see him again, I'd kill him, so…"

It was three in the morning on the ship's time. At about one, Zoe had joined them, unable to sleep, though she proved to be an interesting additional storyteller. West had remarked that it seemed like they'd been telling stories together for many years, and had even inquired about a romantic relationship between the two of them. Zoe was quick set him straight, and though it pained her to talk about Wash, she made herself do it, for her late husband's sake. "He was a great man, and I never told him so. Least I can do now is honor him and his memory," she'd explained.

West sat in silence for a few moments. "Wow. I've never heard a tale like this before." He took his glasses off, wiped the lenses with a cloth, and placed them on his nose again. "It would take a storyteller much greater than I to do it justice."

There was a knock at her door.

"River?" A soft voice, floating along. River pressed her face into her pillow and counted. Would she leave just leave if she ignored her?

"River, are you in there?"

She wouldn't.

Taking a deep breath, she got up and opened her door. There stood an apprehensive Kiva, her belly hardly covered by a long white tee shirt that fell over her black pants.

"I don't know anything." River's words were low as she stared at her bare feet. "You came to ask about your sister. I don't know anything."

"Do you mind if I come in?" Kiva inquired, ignoring her statement. Begrudgingly, River stepped by to let her through. Kiva sunk down onto the bed, heavy. "My feet are killing me."

"She likes it when you relax," River said, taking a seat on the floor in front of the girl. "She likes it when you sing." A small smile crossed the older woman's face.

River touched her toes together, leaning back on her hands. The cold floor grounded her, and kept her centered. "She won't come early. I know you're worried. Family has a hard time with babies being born early, but she is comfortable. Happy." The words seemed to assure Kiva, who softened and relaxed as River spoke. She didn't speak, but waited in silence. "I don't make you nervous," River noticed aloud. "I make everyone nervous. Even my brother. _Especially_ my brother."

Kiva shook her head. "My sister went to the Academy six years ago. She was just a girl, only thirteen. But even before her letters started sounding strange, she was an odd one. Always knew what I would do before I did it. Was an awful brat about it, actually, but she was crazy smart. Emma was a prodigy on the piano."

"Made you look bad," River added, wondering at what point she would make her uncomfortable enough to leave. Kiva acknowledged this with a nod, looking into her lap. "You resented her. You were jealous. But... you loved her."

"You never know what you have until it's lost." Kiva turned to the younger girl, eyes brimming with tears. "Will I ever see her again? Will she ever come home?"

River shook her head, certain. "No. The Academy is where boys and girls go to die. You may see a girl named Emma again. You may look in her eyes and see the eyes you know, but she will never come home. She'll live in the Academy, like I did. And she will die there. They were kind to me, the Hands, compared to her. Compared to some of the others. Simon thinks I had it bad. He feels agony that I won't tell them what they did. But I don't think he could handle the truth." A tear fell down Kiva's cheek. River paused, almost hesitant to tell her what was next. "Her heart is still beating. But she doesn't sing." Kiva nodded, accepting what River told her. "My brother gave up everything to find me. He found me broken. It was hard. It still is, even now. I'm not a normal girl. I'm… I get confused. Words come out in riddles."

But the older woman didn't ask questions or pry. Instead she simply reached out and touched one of River's paintings on the wall. "I understand what you mean. Emma's letters sounded like gibberish, before they stopped last year. I just wish I could see her face again…"

River was quiet for a short time. "I don't see much of her. I can't hear her voice. But she remains." Kiva wiped the tears off of her cheeks.

"Thank you, River. Could I sit with you for a while?" She asked. River accepted with a nod of her head, even though she'd planned to spend the evening alone. "Emma used to love for me braid her hair," Kiva started, but River had already acquired a brush and hair ties and had started settling down on the bed. River smiled as Kiva gently ran the brush through her hair. Peaceful.

"Always wanted a sister."

 _Kiva rarely used to talk about her sister. They were close, but sometimes I would see jealousy in her eyes when Kiva would mention her. I never dared bring her up. They'd fallen on hard times since Emma was sent off. Paying for tuition had caused her parents to go completely broke. Their father picked up another job, and it was only after their parents were divorced that they got the letter that Emma had received a full scholarship. Kiva was never quite the same. We've been together since we were young, but I've never even met her sister. I can't believe River knew what she did, or that Kiva was so calm about the whole thing. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if River had known what was going to happen the whole time. Though I can't imagine she did. Not with how it all ended._

 _Mathias Hare_


	5. Chapter Five, You can't be here

**Chapter Five. You can't be here.**

The next three weeks passed rather uneventfully compared to the first night. Just as promised, the baby did not come early. West ended up getting a few words of a story from everyone on the ship, and then disappeared into his room for the last two weeks, only coming out to eat at odd times. Taking on passengers this time had not been nearly as exciting as when Simon and River originally boarded, and for that Mal was eternally grateful.

However, recounting the tale of Serenity Valley left Mal with horrible nightmares. Every night River would wake and attempt to calm him in his dream. Some of the time, this alone worked. When it didn't, she would go to his bunk, run her fingers down his jaw, push the hair out of his face, and end up crawling in bed next to him. Sometimes he woke.

"You can't be here," he'd say to her.

"Shhh," she'd tell him. "Go to sleep."

"Can't. Bad dreams. Also got a girl in my bed. It's distractin'." She moved closer anyway, and he couldn't help but wrap his arms around her. She felt so perfect, right there. She was so tiny and frail, yet he knew that she could kill him in an instant. And, despite what she said, he was certain she never would.

Even in a trance, she'd taken out an entire bar of patrons without an issue, but when she had aimed her gun at him, she'd hesitated. Mal would never forget that day.

He held her close, breathing in the smell of her hair, trying to commit the scent to memory. As he exhaled, he fell into a slumber once more. Not even a kiss passed between them on these nights, though they each wanted to desperately. Sometimes River would place her lips close to his own, but he would always avoid her. He couldn't kiss her here. If they started kissing here, in private, Mal wasn't sure he would have the self control to keep things between them at only a kiss, so he avoided the situation entirely.

In three weeks, River spent nine nights in his bed. Each morning they'd wake, and he'd tell her she shouldn't be there, but his resistance lessened each time. On the ninth morning, the day they meant to dock at Persephone, Mal sat up, watching her. Her hair was splayed out on her pillow, and her night dress had risen up to a dangerous place on her thighs. He wore a pair of shorts, and she was looking up at him as she traced all of his scars with her fingertips.

"You're dangerous, Albatross," he said. "You're startin' to get me used to sleeping next to another body again. I don't appreciate it." River slipped her arms around his waist, pressing her head against his bare chest.

"You don't have bad dreams when I'm here. The human body is meant to sleep next to another. Sharing a bed reduces cytokines, which reduces inflammation, and boosts oxytocin. Eases anxiety and is produced in the same part of the brain responsible for the sleep-wake cycle," she recited. Mal sighed. She always had to know everything.

"What's that in Captain Dummy talk?"

"Better sleep. Happier Captain." River's fingers traveled down his back, tracing the line of his abdomen to the hem line of his shorts, and then lower. He hissed, pulling her hand away from that area.

"Gorrammit, River," he sighed, exasperated. She reached up and gently touched his face. This was a familiar gesture now, and he closed his eyes, allowing the comforting sensation of her fingertips against his skin to wash over him. When she pushed his hair back, running her fingers over his scalp, he felt his stomach give a flip, blood rushing. He slowly extracted herself from her before he did something he didn't want to regret, inhaling sharply. This signalled the end of their morning ritual. River removed herself as well and, without further fuss, quietly climbed out of Mal's bunk. They had a long day ahead of them.

The crew had gathered in the cargo bay to say their goodbyes. "I can't believe we're here already!" Kaylee cried out, hugging Kiva tightly. While the two girls had become close during their time together, Persephone was the couple's final destination. They would be starting over there, staying with relatives of Mathias for a while until they got their bearing and found work.

"Promise you'll wave whenever you're on world?" Kiva asked, teary-eyed as she hugged her goodbye.

"Promise!" Kaylee confirmed. She gave her one more hug, though the embrace was a hint of awkward because her belly was so huge. "Let us know when baby Emmaline is born."

"We will." Mathias gave Kaylee a hug, too. It was hard not to love the bright ray of sunshine that was Kaywinnet Lee Frye. Kiva gently touched River's hand, but the two didn't share the heartfelt goodbyes. River smiled, and looked at her belly again before wishing them safe travels. The couple eventually departed.

With perfect timing, a disheveled West hurried into the cargo bay. "So long, Serenity!" he said as he handed Mal a handful of platinum. Mal stared at the coinage. The amount paid was double what West owed him. Instead of arguing, however, he pocketed the change. "So long Kaylee, Mal, Zoe, Simon, River dear. I have to run. But you have no idea how much I'm honored by your time. Serenity…" He paused, regarding the ship with a display of emotion before turning to the crew. "I wish you all the very best. I hope to hear from you soon." And with that unceremoniously and comically short goodbye, he left them, disappearing into the crowd. The crew looked around at each other, confused and curious.

"I tell you all what," Mal spoke up, still grinning, and pulled the ten coins out of his pocket. He handed each of them a platinum, pocketed two, and then gave the rest to Kaylee. "Go run your errands - write yer ma, Jayne - pick up the parts we need, Kaylee - and then head on over to the Amo Eno. Drinks are on me tonight."

They did indeed meet up at Amo Eno. It was a lively bar, with a well-lit dance floor. Mal liked the place for several reasons. First and foremost, there were several exits available in case a situation went sour. Next, the drinks were cheap, and the atmosphere was easy and casual. Last, the whole place was well lit; Mal felt as though he could see trouble coming a mile away. He scanned the bar, searching for his crew. Zoe was next to him, no doubt scanning for trouble as well.

Kaylee and Simon were dancing, as usual. Simon was light on his feet and knew all of the social dances, and Kaylee just loved to get her feet moving. The doctor had no choice but to love dancing. He was River's brother, and who else was she to practice with growing up? His skill in this particular area had surprised the entire crew, and absolutely delighted Kaylee. It just took him a few drinks to get on the floor. Mal knew their on-world routine by heart now. They'd dance and drink and dance and drink, taking short breaks to talk to the crew and check on River. Then, when they'd had enough to drink, they'd sneak back to the ship. Mal assumed they played cards and went to sleep in separate bunks, but he was a crochety old man.

Jayne was getting incredibly drunk with some ladies at the other end of the bar. Their clothing didn't leave much to the imagination, but Mal imagined that was how he liked them.

River was dancing, the center of attention as usual. She always attracted a lot of local color. Her body moved in ways most people had never seen, and she could pick up any dance after watching for a few moments. Mal's gaze followed her as he took a sip on his drink.

"Sir." Zoe spoke, and Mal raised a brow at her. "Might I be frank for a moment?"

"Frank sounds like a ruttin' _húndàn_ , but go on." She didn't laugh at his attempt at humor.

"I've noticed you lookin' at River different as of late."

Mal's eyes averted, his gaze moving away from the pilot and on to Kaylee and Simon. "Mm. Have you?"

"Yes, sir. I also heard her climb out of your bunk last night." Mal's stomach flopped uncomfortably and he nearly spit out his drink. Clearing his throat, he put a hand out in his defense.

"I can explain-"

"Ain't my place to judge."

"It ain't _like_ that-"

"Like I said."

He finally turned to look at his first mate as he set his drink on the bar, gesturing for another refill. "I don't think anyone else would judge you, Captain. 'Cept maybe Simon, but that's another can of worms entirely. You remember when you told me not to marry Wash?" Mal cringed inwardly.

"Never forget it," was his short reply. His drink had been refilled, and he tried to find an escape from this painful conversation at the bottom of it. "S'pose you're gonna be all ironical and say it's a bad idea."

She shrugged a shoulder. "Part of my job on this ship is to ask you if the crazy plan you've got in your head is worth the risk. If I don't agree with somethin', I let you know."

Mal shook his head, and downed the rest of his drink. "Well, good thing I ain't got a crazy plan here. River's the one with… Nevermind on that. Does this mean you don't agree with… whatever the hell that girl is gettin' me into?"

"She's a mite young, but she's grown enough. She ain't always so stable. When I first figured you two out, I thought I'd take issue with it. Thought about it for a minute. Turns out I don't." Zoe took a sip out of her glass. She hadn't even finished her first drink of the night. Then again, she didn't partake much after the events of Miranda. Mal suspected it brought out the sadness in a way she couldn't handle in her stoic manner.

"Hm." Well, that wasn't nearly as painful as he imagined. His attention went to River again, who winked at him when she caught him staring at her. She was dancing with a boy who seemed older than her, which was terribly ironic for Mal to consider. He watched her let out a laugh at something another boy said to her, and roll her eyes. Mal was avoiding noticing the rest of her because if he did, it would be hard to keep his hands off of her.

When she first walked into the bar, Mal had been floored. River had spent her share of the earnings on a dress. It wasn't slinky, like Zoe would want, but it didn't have ruffles, like Kaylee's. Instead it was.. well, like water. A dark royal blue, it clung tightly to the top of her and spilled out after hugging her slim waist. When she spun about it fanned out around her in a way that mesmerized. Mal wasn't the only one who was starting; everyone noticed. He'd made a decision early on not to notice _too_ much, but after she did a few spins out on the dance floor, that determination faded away.

"Go dance with her, Captain," Zoe urged quietly. "I've got your six."

She didn't need to tell him twice. Setting his now empty drink on the bar, he moved quickly to close the distance between him and River. Some young guy had her in his arms in a dance, but Mal tapped his shoulder. He didn't even ask to cut in, but gave the boy a stern face. After he fled quickly, Mal gave River a comically awkward bow, offering his hand to her. River's smile was the brightest one he had ever seen.

"It's not easy to surprise me, Captain Tightpants," she told him as the dance started. "But you've succeeded. Didn't think you could dance!" It was just a folk dance, one he'd learned on Shadow as a kid. Mal knew the steps by heart, which was good, because he was largely distracted by the sight in front of him. She'd grown so much from that frightened girl on the floor of the cargo bay that he almost couldn't believe she was the same person. Mal noticed then, as they started to dance, that she wasn't wearing any shoes, and couldn't help but laugh as he stepped, side, stepped. One two three - five six seven. Yes, she was definitely still the same girl.

The dance went on, and Mal was astonished that he didn't fumble or misstep. The alcohol was starting to make his brain feel fuzzy. When the dance required that he pull her close, and he did so almost greedily.

"You are quite the vision tonight, River," he said in a low voice, for her ears only. He watched her cheeks flush with color as they stepped apart again. "That's a new dress," he added quickly.

"Acute observation, Captain," was the sarcastic reply. They stepped back together, and he pulled her closer than necessary. They stepped apart again, and now her cheeks were even redder. Mal couldn't help but start to wonder what was under that dress, and by the expression she was giving him, she could hear those thoughts. But River recovered quickly, and a sly smile spread across her lips. She continued dancing without missing a single beat, which was more than Mal could say about his own skills on the floor.

"I've had two marriage proposals tonight," she remarked casually. Mal put on his best Stern Captain expression.

"Well young miss, I'll be having none of that. I forbid you from marryin' those boys. That's an order." A laugh bubbled up in her throat. The song ended, and Mal bowed again before retreating to the bar. "I mean it!" he warned, pointing a finger at her as he left.

River laughed, and the sound made his heart light. "Yes sir."

 _Captain once told me not to marry Wash. We were so in love, though, and we didn't listen. I thought, 'I've been following this man for long enough. It's time I did something of my own.' So I married him. And just when we were able to… well, I lost him, and a baby. Most women have miscarriages, they just don't talk about them. But as far as River and the Captain? I wanted to tell him it was a bad idea. I wanted to tell him not to do it, to stay away from her, like he had done to me and Wash. But if you saw the way he looked at her when he thought no one was watching… I couldn't take that from him. Not after everything we'd gone through. I couldn't be the one to tell him it wasn't going to work. To tell him it was a bad idea. Would I change that, if I could? … Maybe. But I don't think so. I'm sure he still loves her, even now._

 _Zoe Washburne_


	6. Chapter Six, Said it'd hurt

**Chapter Six. Said it would hurt.**

True to her word, River did not accept any marriage proposals that night. The evening passed uneventfully, which was a concept Mal was starting to get used to. It was kinda nice not running from bad guys (or Feds) all of the time, not gettin' shot at or chased. He decided not to pick up any more passengers for the moment, but give River some time to recover. Besides, their jobs started taking them further and further out towards the Rim planets, and no one really wanted to go that far out these days.

Several months had passed when Badger's successor, a young man named Lyle, set them up with a job on Lampasas. This Rim planet didn't have much going for it, but the job was simple: deliver the crates. Get the cash. If they'd done it once, they'd done it a hundred times. When Mal went to go secure the cargo for landing, he found River hanging upside-down from the catwalk by her knees. Her face was unreadable.

"You're the wrong way," she said to him, her tone low.

"I reckon so," was his reply. "Maybe we all are." There were still times when he didn't understand what she meant. Most of those times he didn't bother to question, especially since they were such a rare occasion as of late. Her cryptic riddles were less and less cryptic with each passing day. Either she was getting better at communicating with him, or he was just understanding her better. He honestly wasn't too sure. He looked up at her suddenly. "Wait. Who's flyin' my ship? Ain't we supposed to be landing?" Mal questioned, his brows furrowing. After a few moments of him looking at her meaningfully, she sighed, shrugging. River pulled herself back up onto the catwalk and skipped back up to the engine room. Her voice was heard over the comms a few moments later.

"Prepare for landing. It might hurt."

"What?!" Mal shouted from the cargo bay, though he doubted she could hear him "River, don't you hurt my ship!" They broke atmo, and Mal hung on to the strapped cargo for life. Despite her warning, however, the landing was as smooth as could be. Not even a jolt the wrong way. The captain exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Gorram pilot," he muttered, shaking his head.

"Well that didn't hurt at all," Jayne mused aloud as he thudded his way down the stairs to the bay. "What the hell was Moonbrain talkin' about?"

"Let's just get the job done. I got a sinkin' feelin' about this planet." Mal was right in his feelings, and it was obvious why. The place looked like a ghost town. Hot, arid, and sparse, the planet looked more like a desert than anything else. It must have been two or three in the afternoon - the hottest part of the day. The sun beat on on them mercilessly.

"Looks like a whole buncha nothin'," Zoe remarked.

"Yeah. The town and the drop point 'is just a mile out. Let's load up the mule." They did just that, River appearing silently and taking her seat in the back, passenger side. She was quiet as she stared out into the sun with squinted eyes.

"Hard to see," she finally told them as Zoe started up the engine.

"Here," Jayne said, passing her the eye goggles she loved. Even after she put them on, she didn't seem consoled.

"You all be careful out there!" Kaylee called to them, waving as they drove the mule off ship.

"Always!" Mal called back. A minute's drive into the seemingly empty landscape brought a small town into view. Their drop point was in front of the first building; a saloon.

"Nothing," River whispered softly, though no one heard her.

The mule came to a stop, and Jayne hopped out, raising his gun and glancing around. "Uh, Mal? You 'member that sinkin' feeling you got? I'm startin' to feel it. Where the hell is everybody?"

Mal did the same, and Zoe followed suit. "I don't rightly know," he replied slowly. "Frankly I'm starting to feel a mite creepified." River frowned.

"Too many." Mal finally heard her, and turned to look at his pilot, who was tightening her combat boots.

"What?!"

But another voice answered. "I think she means to say that there are too many of us, and not enough of you." Men started to show themselves. They'd been hiding behind the buildings, obviously waiting for them. In each one of their hands was a gun, aimed at one of the crew. It was an ambush. Mal and Jayne's guns were up, but Zoe hadn't even had time to draw her weapon, so had no choice but to place her arms in the air. They were in the middle of an ambush.

"Whoa now," Mal started, "I think there's been a misunderstanding. We were sent by Lyle. Just here to drop off the goods and get his payment. Don't want no trouble."

"Neither do we," the man said. He was tall, taller than Jayne, with a long beard and a bloodied shirt. He was uninjured, but looked as though he'd put the hurt down on someone lately. "So how's about you lower your weapons and give us what you got."

Mal didn't move, and Jayne was watching him for a cue of what to do next. "Surely will, as soon as your men lower theirs. Then we can do an even exchange, just as promised." Mal sounded confident, as he always did in these situations. River was still sitting in the mule, and her lips were moving but no sound was coming out. It looked like she was counting.

Mal didn't like these odds. They had no cover, were outgunned, and outmanned. There was no place for them to go, except for the saloon, but then they'd be surrounded with nowhere to go.

This man obviously wasn't out to play nicely. "I'ma thinkin' you're gonna give us the goods and walk away real nice. Maybe then I won't have a reason to kill no folk. Motley, Goode, grab the crates." Two brutish men started heading towards the mule, and River hopped down and, to the crew's horror, stood in their way.

"Watch it, lil' girl," one of them said, shoving her roughly to the side. She didn't fight back, but Mal pointed his gun at the man who'd touched her.

"Hey! Pick on someone your own size, y'hear?" Mal hollered. The man they called Goode - or was it Motley? - grinned, and reached out, grabbing River by the throat. Mal flinched, taking a step forward, gun pointed at the man trying to attack River.

"Now, if you'd only kept your mouth shut. Motley don't like people orderin' him 'round." But even as the ironic words left the ugly man's mouth, River had already started. Mal watched as she swung herself around the man's arm and over his back. He toppled over backwards, hitting the his head on the ground hard. Out, like a light. She landed gracefully, bent down low with one hand on the ground and glancing around. Goode made his way towards River, which earned him a swift mule kick in the face as she swung her body effortlessly. "What the hell?! Someone get that lil' girl!"

That was their cue. Zoe dropped herself against the mule, pulling her shotgun out of it's holster. Mal and Jayne darted back to the mule as well, running around to cover River and Zoe. Shots started firing from the grunts, but none landed. While River took down the men who came at her, Malcolm, Zoe, and Jayne took out the ones firing at them. They'd gotten about ten down so far when the leader shouted: "Re-treat! Fall back, ya' idiots!" He then whistled, loudly.

"I think that's our signal to make like a tree and get the _tā mā de_ out of here," Jayne suggested, flopping himself onto the mule while trying to keep himself covered.

"I second that," Zoe added, and took over the driver's seat.

"River, get back here!" Mal called. A moment later there was a loud snap as another brute fell beneath her boot. River picked up his gun and another on her way back to the mule. They high-tailed it out of there, Zoe pushing the limit on how much she could get out of the vehicle. River was counting again. Mal reached for the comm device, alerting Kaylee and Simon to prepare for a quick takeoff.

"Rather inconvenient that our most valuable asset also flies the ship," Mal muttered, checking behind them for any followers. They kept going, each second Serenity grew bigger and bigger as they neared her. A sight for sore eyes.

Jayne swore loudly in Chinese, causing Mal to look back again. Their gracious hosts had come after them. There were at least three hovercrafts chasing after them now, loaded to the teeth with weaponry, but Mal and the crew were already so close to the ship that he didn't bother trying to take them out. Zoe punched it, muttering to herself how they were almost there…

The cargo bay doors were open, and they flew in, stopping sharply. "Go, go!" Mal shouted to Kaylee and Simon, who were rubbernecked trying to see what kind of trouble was coming. "River, go pilot the damn ship!" he ordered, and she practically flew to the cockpit. Only a few seconds later, they were lifting away from the world. Mal started to close the cargo bay doors, watching as their pursuers closed in on them. Serenity groaned as they took off. Ten meters. Twenty feet. Forty. Eighty.

That's when Mal's world came crashing down. The last thing they heard was River's calm voice over the intercom.

"Hold on."

The explosion rocked the ship. She began to turn sideways, and then upside down. Sideways again. Then right side up. Kaylee screamed as they were tossed about. Mal reached for something he could hold on to, anything. The ship was spinning, and Mal closed his eyes as he awaited their certain crash landing.

 _BOOM._

And then nothing.

When Mal finally came to, he could hardly hear or see. He was stuck underneath some debris, and struggled to free himself. Looking around him, his heart broke. While she wasn't completely destroyed, Serenity was hurt. _Bad_. There were hulls breached, catwalks broken. He hadn't seen her so bad since Miranda, and it was hard to bite back the emotion. As his hearing started to return to him, he became aware of screaming in the distance. None of his own, by the sound of it. He finally was able to scramble out from underneath the broken cargo. As he stood, he was completely disoriented and nearly toppled over.

Serenity was upside down.

"Zoe!? Kaylee!" He called loudly. "Jayne! Simon!" There was a lot of heavy equipment in the bay, and he wouldn't be surprised if someone had gotten squished like a bug between metal and a hard place.

"Over here, sir," came Zoe's voice from across the way.

"You in one piece?" he questioned, and watched her pull herself out from under the mule. It had landed on top of a metal crate, leaving a perfect space for Zoe underneath it.

"Surprisingly. Never thought I'd be so grateful for this hunk of junk. Just a little banged up, Captain."

"Huuuugh." The two of them ran over to the source of the grunting, as best as they could, and began to pull the crates off of Jayne, who wasn't but ten feet from them. As they pulled him up, Mal looked around again. The ship was unrecognizable.

"Help!" Simon's voice came from far off, and Mal ran to them. He noticed a pain in his leg, but all things considered, he was perfectly fine. He found Simon and Kaylee stuck between where the stairs met the wall. Mal had to dig for them, but was relieved to see that Simon had shielded the mechanic from everything with his own body. His back had a pretty deep cut, and he'd dislocated his shoulder, but they were alive. Mal said a silent prayer to a God he'd long forsaken. It was one thing for Serenity to be down, but another thing entirely for someone to have bit it on his watch. Everyone was accounted for. That only left…

"River." Mal took off, trying to navigate his way in his upside-down ship to the cockpit. Where the hell did all of this stuff even come from? "River!" He called, his voice straining, terror nearly paralyzing him. He couldn't help but think of Wash, with the harpoon through his chest. In his mind's eye, Wash was replaced with River, her eyes open wide as the blood rushed out of her chest, but he shook that image from her mind. "River!"

She wasn't in the cockpit. The whole room was relatively intact, aside from the shattered windshield. Looking down, he saw blood everywhere. Smeared against the controls, trailing around in circles. Fear gripped his heart like an icy hand, and he fought his way back through the debris to the cargo bay. There he found his crew standing on a pile of stacked up crates so that they could see out of the cargo bay doors. Mal had forgotten about the screaming, tuned it out, since it hadn't sounded like any of his own. He climbed up the debri, and finally saw what it was his crew was staring at, their mouths hanging open in awe.

River. She was dancing.

Everyone knew that she had taken down almost three dozen Reavers singlehandedly on Mr. Universe's moon, but no one had seen it, or anything like it, since. She rarely participated in the fighting, unless needed, and it was never like this. She stood about thirty feet out, and at one point it appeared that she'd been completely surrounded. In one hand she wielded a small axe, and fired a pistol in the other. There were already twenty bodies around her feet, and more coming. The crew, every one of them, was entranced. River moved easily, beautifully, and skillfully, taking down every single man that crossed her path, sometimes two or three at a time. Finally, the last one fell as she threw her axe into his head. There was quiet, and she stopped moving altogether. Mal jumped down to the ground, ignoring the pain in his leg, and limped to her. He taste blood in his mouth, and felt it drip into his eye.

"River," he said, approaching. She dropped the pistol and stood there staring at her feet, surrounded by the men whose lives she had ended. When he got to her, he was acutely reminded of the last time she'd fought that hard. The same determined look was on her face now. Blood stained her new blue dress, dirtied her face, stuck to her hair. Mal slowed on his approach. "River, darlin'," he said slowly, softly. When he reached her, he placed a hand on her shoulder. He had no idea what kind of state she was in. She'd almost killed him looking like this one once. She turned towards him, her eyes pained and confused. There were no words.

Mal took her into his arms, wrapping her up and kissing the top of her head. He didn't care that the entire crew saw their exchange, he was just thankful that she was alive. Once again, she had saved them all. Over the top of her head, he caught sight of Serenity, and his beaten down crew standing within her. Hopelessness washed over him.

Mal's attention was drawn back to River when he felt a sob wrack her small frame, and he held her closely, his arms around her shoulders. She buried her face in his chest.

"Said it would hurt."

 _Everything I ever knew changed on Miranda. It shook me, ya know? When you're confronted with somethin' like that. It shook my bones. When Serenity wrecked after those goons, I didn't know what to do. I didn't have nothin' to say. And then Captain went all weird with River. Hell, I didn't see nothin' like that comin'. Everything was all shook up, and not just because our ship was all belly-up. Somethin' wasn't right, and that was for sure. That was the beginnin' of the end._

 _Jayne Cobb_


	7. Chapter Seven, Say it

**Chapter Seven. Say it.**

River had crash-landed them nearer the town, leaving it the only option for a place to recover. Battered and bruised, together they walked, limped, and hobbled back to what was formerly the drop site.

"Alright, first order of business. Need'ta get this crew patched up," Mal said, turning to Simon as they approached. The medic nodded painfully, his good arm slung over Kaylee. "Bound to be a place with supplies. Figure we could spread out-"

"It's over there," River announced, pointing to the third building down. "The medical station."

Mal breathed a sigh, clenching his jaw. She knew everything, it seemed. It had him wonder what else she'd known about. His reply was terse. "Well. There we go. Come on folk, look alive." He herded them, one by one, into the run-down medical station. The town looked like it could support a few hundred, at least, but there wasn't a soul to be seen, and the supplies at the station hadn't even been touched. His crew took their seats about the room, and Kaylee helped Simon in whatever way she could. If she stopped for too long, her eyes would start to fill with tears, no doubt thinking about her beloved ship wrecked a few hundred feet away. She started by gingerly stitching his back up, and then by fetching anything he needed for the others. Jayne's leg was deeply cut and needed stitches, and Mal got a crutch to walk on. Zoe helped wherever she could, and seemed to be the least shell shocked of them all.

"It's not broken, just sprained," Simon told him about his ankle, suggesting he should stay off of it for a while. Mal didn't even have the energy to argue. Zoe was also fine, aside from some cuts on her face and arms that Kaylee bandaged up.

It wasn't until he got to River, last, that any of them realized that she had been sliced up during the crash. That explained the blood all over the cockpit. "It's fine," she tried, but Simon wasn't having it. Mal heard the commotion, and glanced over. Now that he was looking, he could see that she had fragments covering most of her upper body: her arms, her chest, but mostly her side.

"River, you should have said something." Simon moved as quick as he could. He had to remove her dress, so Kaylee fetched her a blanket. River awkwardly undressed beneath it, while the others averted their eyes. Jayne had fallen asleep, and a heavy silence slipped over the crew like the blanket over River. Mal limped over to where his doc and mechanic were pulling pieces of glass out of his pilot's side. River didn't even flinch, so Mal winced for her.

"She get some of the good drugs?" he asked, moving a long piece of her hair out of the way of the process. A towel covered up her chest, the blanket below her waist for modesty's sake.

"I didn't give her anything," Simon admitted, eyeing Mal warily. "She refused." He was obviously not amused by her stubbornness, or by Mal's not-so-subtle affection, for that matter. Mal was grateful that Simon decided not to comment on the matter for now. They were already in a complicated situation, it would have been hell if whatever was going on between him and River was added to the mix.

"Doesn't hurt bad," was River's brief, dismissive explanation. Even though she said it didn't hurt, she still held out her hand to Mal, who felt no choice but to take it. He couldn't look away from where shards of glass peppered her abdomen and chest. The soft plink of glass against the metal bowl was the only sound that dared break the heavy, hopeless silence. Mal rested against the crutch, still holding River's hand. River wasn't watching as her brother pulled the fragments out of her, like Mal and Kaylee were, but was staring up at the ceiling. Every once in awhile she'd close her eyes, and her lips would move wordlessly. There was so much going on in her brain that she couldn't focus. She didn't even feel the pain. The volume in her head was turned all the way up. The lights flickered above them.

"Sir." Zoe's voice came from outside of the station, and Mal placed a kiss on his pilot's hand before setting it back on the table. He hobbled outside, where a few dozen people were waiting for him. They all had the same reddened faces, same beat down look that he recognized as defeat. Zoe stood there, arms folded. "Meet the good folk of Lampasas."

"Captain Reynolds," one of them spoke, up, his hat in his hands. He was one of the oldest present. "We can't tell you what a service you've done for us. Those men arrived here a week ago, robbed us, murdered some, and then sent us to live in the desert. We tried to fight, but we don't keep a lot of weapons here. Is it true, some of you are hurt?" The concern in the man's voice was a kindness, and Mal nodded, not entirely sure what to say for once.

He glanced at Zoe before answering the man's question. "We didn't do it on purpose, know that. But I'm glad we could help. We don't have any casualties, but a few of us are pretty banged up."

"Well, we'd like to offer you a place to rest up and recover. Anything we can give you, you'll have. We don't have a lot around here, especially after those men came, but we'll give you anything you need." The crowd murmured in agreement.

"That's mighty fine of you," Mal told them. "Our ship's in bad shape too. I can't imagine you got any spare parts for her, now do you?" The man frowned, shaking his head.

"No, but we've got some food, and warm beds for as long as you need to stay. And we're supposed to get a shipment next week from Persephone. Maybe you can reach out to your people and get some parts shipped out here?" Mal shook his head. 'Your people'. All of Mal's people were here already.

"I don't reckon I know what we'll do, but your offer of hospitality sure does us a favor we're in need of."

The man, who called himself Bert, wouldn't hear it. "Anything for the heroes of Lampasas."

Mal looked back into the medical station at his beaten down crew, and then back to Serenity, belly-up in the desert. He met Zoe's steely gaze. She hadn't said a word. She didn't need to. "Yeah. Big damn heroes."

They were given an entire house for the six of them. The family that previously lived there had been slaughtered by the pirates that had taken over. It had four bedrooms, and Mal decided early on he'd take the living room, but Zoe fought him for the option to switch out every few nights. He didn't have the energy to fight her, so he conceded. They informed that Bert was going to be placing an order for shipment from Persephone, and that Mal was free to make any requests. He joined him that evening, sitting in front of the town's only Cortex machine.

"I don't reckon you can help much," the captain explained, wincing. "But I might wave a few friends to see if they can help."

Bert stood to let Mal sit down, and then quietly removed himself from the room. At first he had no idea who to wave. He thought about waving Inara, but the idea of her looking sternly at him over the monitor was the last thing he wanted to deal with. He sat there for a few moments, head in his heads, but he remembered promising Kaylee to call Kiva and Mathias to check and see how the baby was. Leave it to his pilot to wonder how their friends were doing at a time like this. Still, it was probably better than asking for help. He convinced himself to dial their number. A few minutes later, Kiva's face appeared on his screen.

"Captain!" she exclaimed, holding a tiny Emmaline in her arms. "It's so good to hear from you! Are you coming to Persephone soon?"

Mal just shook his head. "No Kiva, we've run into some of trouble out here. Had a crash landing on Lampasas. Don't think we'll be flying anywhere anytime soon." Mal didn't know if they'd ever fly again, but he wasn't ready to admit that out loud. He couldn't fight the hopelessness that filled him.

"Oh no… That's terrible. Please, let me know if there's anything we can do," she implored, and he just nodded.

He blinked, and cleared his throat. "Anyway, Kaylee made me promise to tell you hey from her. Figured I'd give you two a wave."

"Of course! That reminds me. I got an odd message from West Oro. He's been trying to get in touch with you for a few days now," she added. "You should give him a call, it sounded urgent." Malcolm promised he would before he signed off, but when he tried to hail the strange former passenger, there was no answer. Mal left a message:

"Hey West, Kiva mentioned you'd hailed for us, but we're sorta stranded on Lampasas right now. Serenity's in pretty bad shape. If you need us, we can be reached here for.. well, who knows how long."

He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. _Looks like we're on our own for now._

"On our own." A voice behind him brought him out of his head. It was River, standing in the doorway of the communications room. She held a plate of food in her hands. An offering. "They made us dinner. Thought you'd be hungry." Mal had ignored the ache in his stomach for so long that he'd forgotten that he hadn't even eaten.

"S'pose so," was all he could say, clearing his throat. She went to him, setting the plate down and taking a seat by his side.

"We're going to be okay," she assured him, but he frowned. Several moments passed before he spoke again.

"I've been thinking in my head, River. Why the hell didn't you tell me the drop was going to go sour?" River's mouth fell open, but all of the anger and disappointment he was trying to bury inside was beginning to boil his blood. Unfortunately for her, River had poor timing. "You _knew_ the drop was going to go bad. Why the hell didn't you warn us? Now Serenity's out there flat on her back, and it's your gorram fault! You have an _obligation_ to your ship, to your crew, to me!" His voice was raised now, and she was shrinking away from him.

"Mal, I didn't-"

"Don't tell me you didn't know!" He was shouting now, and her eyes began to fill, pain etched across her face. Later he would wonder how she could have pieces of glass removed from her body without a wince, but the moment he raises her voice at her she starts to crumble.

"It-it was an option, but there's always options. Like a deck of cards. I usually pick the right card and that's what happens. I didn't _want_ Serenity to get hurt-" Mal stood up suddenly, causing her to jump.

"Yeah, we'll she's hurt real bad! And I got one person in mind who's hands that falls on." River's mouth fell open. Without another word, she bolted out of the room, knocking over her chair and letting the door slam behind her.

" _Gorrammit_!" Mal cried, slamming a fist onto the table. After his blood cooled, he sat back down, eyeing the dinner plate she'd brought him. Instantly, regret filled him. He shouldn't have yelled at her like that, and he knew it. It certainly wasn't her fault. It wasn't really anyone's fault; Mal just needed someone to blame for his own despair.

He eventually returned to the house, slipping in the front door as quietly as he could. He had allowed himself a few hours to wallow in his misery and self-pity before returning to the crew. They'd put a bed in the living room, and Zoe was already resting with a book she must have found lying around.

She glanced up as he walked in, and cleared her throat softly. "Everyone's wore out, sir. Went to bed. I believe yours is the last one on the left." Mal nodded, his eyes downcast. "We're going to be alright, sir."

"Yeah," he said, almost dismissively as he made his way up the stairs. Everyone seemed to be saying that, almost as if they thought he needed convincing. Last door on the left…

The first sight he was greeted with in the sparse bedroom was River was sleeping in the large bed, her dark hair splayed out over the pillow. There was a small light on the nightstand on the other side of the bed, and it cast deep shadows around the room. Mal sighed, letting go of a deep breath. He wasn't sure if Zoe had mixed up the rooms, or River was just in the room meant for him. Either way, he wasn't going to fight it. The guilt of yelling at her still weighed heavily on him. Closing the door behind him, he slipped out of his coat, then shirt, then trousers while trying to be as silent as possible. Finally, he was able to sink into bed, slipping under the sheets. River stirred, and then turned to him, blinking her heavy eyes open.

"Hey River girl," he murmured softly. He wanted to pull her close, to hold her tight, but his own self-reproach wouldn't let him. They lay there, a foot apart.

"Yelled at me." Her voice was low, pained. Even in the darkness, he could see that he had hurt her quite deeply.

"I know I did. We both know I shouldn't have." A few quiet moments passed. He let out a sigh, and finally reached out and pulled her close to him. "River, bao bei, say you'll forgive me." She inhaled sharply at his touch, and he felt silent sobs wrack her chest again. "Shhh, River… River girl..." He ran his hand up and down her back, trying his best to sooth her. He'd never been good with crying women before, but he knew that her tears weren't just about him. He wanted to cry, too. It wasn't long until her quieted crying was reduced to a few sniffles and hiccups. "There now, that's a good girl."

She lifted her gaze to look at him, her cheeks still wet. "We are _all_ broken. Serenity. Me. You. How to we put ourselves together again?" Mal brushed some of her tears away with his thumb. He'd already lost so much. Would he continue to deny himself what could lead him to happiness?

"I might have an idea. I'm gonna start listening to you." And then Mal leaned in, pressing his lips against her own in a real, proper kiss. River let out a soft moan, snaking her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him in a way that should have been against the law. Within the kiss, Mal was able to let go. He let go of the pain he'd been clinging to, and let go of his desperation. He was able to let everything simply slip away. From there, the kiss deepened with frenzy, as if they would never be here again. The captain had been denying himself this for what seemed like years. River had offered herself to him, plain as day, and he'd refused because of his own fear of intimacy. There was no doubt in his mind that he needed her, now, more than he was willing to admit out loud.

She retreated from the kiss for a moment, her breath coming in fast pants. His own heart was racing. "Am I really your River girl?" she asked him, vulnerability coloring her words. He cupped her face in his hands, and had her look right at him.

"You really are. I ain't scared no more. Not enough to run away from you." River smiled, and he felt his stomach flip at the way she looked at him. Her love for him was clear as day. Mal felt as though he would love her until the day she put a bullet in him, and probably even after. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, her smile faltered.

"Say it," she told him, moving as close as she possibly could to him.

"You know it's true," he replied, pressing his lips against her brow.

"I like to hear you say it." Mal leaned in, kissing her mouth again. One of his hands went to the back of her neck, the other to her waist, trying to be careful of her injuries. He'd loved a few women before, and had bedded a few more, but this was different. The captain wanted to do everything right by River. His entire world had crashed around him and he was powerless to stop it, but if there was one thing the captain could accomplish, it was doing right by her. He wasn't sure why a day like today would make him realize all of this. At a certain point Mal had feared her dead, and worried about having lost her before getting the chance to kiss her like this, to touch her how he wanted. He had worried that he had lost her before he'd had a chance to love her. He'd lived a long life this far, but he'd never been as frightened of anything as he was by losing her. She reacted to his kiss just as he anticipated she would: pressing herself against him, reaching out and running her hands up his back. He shuddered, his hips moving on their own will, a moan escaping his throat. Mal broke their kiss, gasping for air.

"I love you, River Tam," he told her breathlessly, his heart in his throat. "I love you."

 _Those men came outta nowhere. One minute it was business as usual, the next the people were being dragged into the street, shot and killed in front of their families. For what? Money. The Captain of Serenity. I think we'll be singin' songs about him for a long while. And River the Dancer. We ain't seen anything like her before. They could have stayed there forever and we would have taken care of them. If it had only been that simple…_

 _Bert Laney_


	8. Chapter Eight, Sorry about your crane

**Chapter Eight. Sorry about your crane.**

Time passed slowly on Lampasas, and not just because they were further from the sun. The crew of Serenity took the week to rest. No one had the motivation to get much done anyway. Jayne, for instance, spent most of the time drinking at the saloon. Mal was shocked he even stuck around, with the ship broken and all, but figured he didn't have enough money to abandon them yet. Zoe found herself spending time at the schoolhouse, tending to the children. This took the Captain off guard, as Mal never imagined her having much patience for little ones. River joined her sometimes, and spent the rest of her time wandering. Mal helped with some of the destruction the pirates had caused as best as be could, and Kaylee helped Simon in the medical station, and stayed far away from anything mechanical. In their own way, they were all doing what they could to stay busy, to keep their minds off of Serenity, but on the seventh day they finally took their first assessment of the damage.

Mal heaved a great sigh as Kaylee approached him. He was seated on an old crate that had fallen out of the ship, slicing into an apple with his pocket knife. "What's the damage, mei mei?"

"Engines' surprisingly okay," Kaylee told him, wiping her hands on her coveralls. "Our right extender took most of the damage, that's why we was spinning so bad. The hull is the main issue, Cap'n." He nodded, squinting into the sun. "But we are gonna need a new catalyser. The port compression coil took a bad beating-"

"Alright, alright. Just make a list of parts we need," he told her. "Let's see what we can do about getting her upright." Taking the last bite of his apple, he put away his knife and hopped down from the crate. Kayle gave him a small smirk.

"I think River has an idea about that." Kaylee glanced over, and Mal followed where she was looking.

Mal caught sight of the girl, drawing numbers in the sand a few yards away. She was speaking, though only to herself. Mal tried to understand what she was saying, but had no luck. He approached anyway.

"We're going to need cranes," she told him absently.

"What, like the little paper ones?" Mal asked, teasing. She glared at him.

"We only have enough fuel cells for a few minutes of flight. It'll have to be quick," she went on, drawing numbers and figures in the dirt with a stick. "Two minutes and fifty eight seconds after the extender is turned on… Hard switch to balance… Not enough fuel for artificial gravity. That could be problematic…" The captain squinted at the ground.

"So... cranes, huh?"

Some of the townspeople had volunteered their time to help. They had a few cranes and other vehicles, and River and Kaylee were able to coordinate between the two of them a plan to flip the ship right-side-up.

"You sure this is gonna work?" Mal asked as he helped River strap down (up?) into her seat. Her hair hung into his face, and he pushed it out of the way as he kissed her head.

"Yes." She assured him with a smile. Mal didn't know if he would have believed her otherwise. "Now get out of here," River ordered seriously.

"Yes, Captain Tam," Mal teased, before climbing back out of the upside-down cockpit. Trying to navigate Serenity while she was upside down was like something out of his worst nightmares. Despite what the doc had told him, he had abandoned his crutch in favor of limping around, which did make things a little difficult for him. Once he'd exited the ship, he found the rest of his small crew waiting, watching with arms folded. The morning sun was behind them.

"This plan is making me a mite nervous, little Kaylee," Mal said to his mechanic, who had just returned from getting the cranes in place.

"Can't see it gettin' much worse than it already is," Jayne interjected. "We're basically trapped on this god fersakin' planet with no way off." He took a long drink from his flask. "Might as well try somethin' stupid."

"River says it'll work," Kaylee said to them, and turned to give the crane operators a thumbs-up.

The town's two cranes were lifting the broken extender off of the ground. Serenity groaned and screeched as she was lifted against her own will. As soon as she was at a certain height and the cranes were locked and secured, the other extender ignited. Mal could just make out his pilot's pale face through the broken windshield of the cockpit. She was grinning.

"Here goes nothin'," Kaylee murmured. As the starboard extender ignited, Serenity raised herself up to be level, using the cranes as a crutch on the port side. Just as quickly as she leveled, she continued to rise on the starboard side, lifting up into a roll. The cranes whined and groaned under the weight, but River was moving quickly. Serenity continued to roll, in one fluid motion, the starboard extender switching at the last moment to level out. One of the cranes snapped, and Kaylee winced as River landed Serenity as gently as she could.

Mal let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. The whole process had taken less than thirty seconds, but to the crew it was much longer. It may have even taken several sunlit days. The crowd cheered. Mal resolved to give River the greatest kiss she'd ever gotten. The pilot climbed out of the ship a few minutes later, triumphant. "No power in the 'Verse can stop me," she explained to her disbelieving crew.

"I'm gonna go see if we can repair that crane that broke," Kaylee said before taking off. Mal wrapped River tightly in his arms, kissing the top of her head.

"Proud of you, River girl."

"I know." She winked at him as they pulled apart. There was a soft clearing of the throat off to the side, and Mal turned quickly to see who it was. Bert held his hat in his hands, a small look of victory on his face.

"That was a sight to see," he admitted.

"Sorry about your crane," River interjected, though she didn't sound too apologetic. She had a way of doing that.

"It's a small price to pay," was Bert's humble reply. "Some of the townspeople were wondering if they could help clean her up," he added. "To be honest they've been dyin' help, but haven't known how. Not to mention a lot of them have lost their loved ones, and are lookin' to find a distraction." Mal was about to reply, to tell him that wasn't necessary. It wasn't their responsibility, no matter what they thought they owed the crew.

"We'd love the help," Zoe cut in. She'd been silent until that moment, uncharacteristically so. Mal could only nod his head in agreement.

And so it was. Thirty volunteers met the crew at the cargo hold, and together they began the arduous task of emptying Serenity's belly. Kaylee and Zoe directed the efforts, making sure there were separate piles for cargo that could be salvaged, things that were now junk, and parts of the ship that could be reattached. River disappeared. Jayne mumbled about how he wasn't gettin' paid for this. Everyone else was pitching in with their best effort, and after a few days, Serenity had been emptied out. She had several hull breaches, not to mention parts that were banged up beyond repair. Kaylee was keeping a running list of everything that had gone wrong, but it was about as tall as she was at this point. Her eyes filled with tears as she brought him the list after dinner that night.

"Cap'n," she said quietly. "I don't think we're gonna be able to afford to get her flying again. Just these parts out of a salvage yard would cost more'n we've ever made in a whole year." Her eyes were filling with sad, hopeless tears. He put a hand on her shoulder.

"Now Kaylee, you leave all that worryin' to me. Have I ever led you astray before?" Mal countered, and she shook her head. "Now I know it's been a rough few days, but I heard that Bert's niece Bea made a plumberry pie she needs help gettin' rid of. Think you could go help her out?" It took a moment, but after some convincing, Kaylee's smile brightened the whole room, and she departed the house, the screen door closing loudly behind her. River met Mal's eyes, and he saw her lips form words that he wouldn't recognize until later as, "Uh oh."

The door hadn't even slammed shut when they heard her scream.

Zoe and Mal were the first to react, as always, jumping with a start and making for the door.

In the dim of the porchlight, Mal could make out two figures. At first he imagined that someone had Kaylee by the throat, a gun to her head, but then his eyes adjusted and he saw it for what it was: Kaylee embracing a tall, dark-haired woman.

"Oh, mei mei, I've missed you too," the woman said, her voice as smooth as butter.

"Inara! What are you even doing here?" Kaylee questioned, finally letting go of the embrace.

"I heard you were in some sort of trouble, I came to see if I could help. I would have been here sooner, but there was a delay…" Her voice trailed off as she looked to the Captain. Mal stood there, trying to figure out why there was a knot in his stomach. He averted his eyes, looking for River. She hadn't come outside yet, and he thought he might know why.

"Well why don't you come on in," Mal said to her, trying to mask his discomfort. "Kaylee was just about to run and get some plumberry pie. We've had a long day and we're pretty tuckered out-"

"No we're not!" Kaylee cut in, hugging her dear friend tightly. "'Nara, come get some pie with me and then we can go back inside," she urged, holding the older woman's hand tightly. Inara smiled, placing her free hand against the mechanic's cheeks.

"Of course, Kaylee." Inara looked to Mal one last time before the two girls disappeared. Mal sighed, running his hand through his hair. When he turned to go back outside, River appeared, startling him.

" _Qīn'ài de shàngdì_ ," he swore loudly, taking a step back. Time slowed as he saw her face, lit by porchlight, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"She wants to help." Her words did little to comfort the captain.

"Yeah, I don't recall askin' her for help," he replied, clenching his jaw. "Is there a chance that a little bird with a name like water called her?" River shook her head. They stood there, a few feet apart. It felt like a mile. He closed his eyes on his exhale, trying to clear his mind. Inara had a way of fogging him up. A gentle touch caressed his check, and he opened his eyes to see River close to him. The fog began to lift. His hands moved to her waist instinctively, and he didn't pull away as she moved to kiss him. A soft sigh left him, and he closed his eyes again. River had always made the nightmares disappear. Could she make this one vanish as well?

"Said I'm your River girl," she said to him, real soft, as their lips were about to touch. "Said I'm yours."

"That you are." He closed the distance, pouring himself into her. When he tried to deepen the kiss, she pulled away, leaving a hole in his chest as she did so.

"Are you mine?" Everything else seemed to fade away as she regarded him with those big, doe eyes of hers. There was a slight pause as he reached up and tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear.

"As long as you'll have me," was the gentle reply. River was quiet as she met his gaze steadily. "You're worried 'bout Inara being here," he observed aloud. Her gaze faltered. "Can't you read my mind, Albatross?"

"That's... complicated."

"Yeah, well, this ain't. Not anymore." And then he pulled her to him, his grip firm. But instead of pressing his lips against hers in an act of passion, he slowed, and kissed the top of her head. River's hands went to his chest, fingers tightening around his coat. With unnatural strength she pulled herself up and kissed his lips. The intensity of the kiss caught him off guard, and the way she kissed him always made his head spin. He hadn't ever been touched the way she touched him.

Finally, she pulled away.

"How come you won't sleep with me?" she questioned.

Mal let out a chuckle. "You stay in my bunk all the time. And then last night… I'm not rightly sure if I was in your room or you were in mine." This got a smile out of her, and he couldn't help but run his thumb across her cheek. She rolled her eyes.

"Not what I meant."

"Ah. You mean to say…" There was a pause, and he winked. "I've always known you to be precise and fanciful in your speakin' to me." She rolled her eyes at him, and he ran a hand through her long hair. "River girl…"

Their conversation was interrupted as a throat was cleared. Mal's first instinct was to pull away quickly, but River's presence cleared his mind, made him sharp. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, he knew this day would come. River's fingers were still wrapped around the edges of his coat, and his hands were on her waist. Looking over, he saw Inara's alarmed expression, alongside Kaylee's perplexed one.

"There a problem?" Mal asked the two of them. No one spoke. The situation was only made worse when he realized that Simon had watched their entire interaction through the window from the kitchen. Instead of reacting the way he wanted to, he simply looked to River. She was ignoring the others, and a broad grin was starting to spread across her lips. It was infectious, and Mal found himself doing the same. He gave her a wink. "Now, is that his angry face or his scared face? He mentioned there was a difference a while ago, but I still can't quite tell," he said to River, who radiated joy. She didn't care one bit. Finally, Mal kissed the top of River's head, and ruefully let go of their embrace. She smoothed out his coat, fixing his collar before turning to the women who were staring at them.

"Is there still pie?" River asked Kaylee, her eyes big and wide. She looked positively radiant in the glow of the porchlight, and Mal watched as she danced away without waiting for an answer. There was a loud door slam from inside the house, and Kaylee frowned, darting inside, avoiding her captain's gaze as she went. That left Mal and Inara outside. Mal remained on the porch, and Inara stood a few feet away, her hands folded in front of her. She did look particularly dressed up, wearing what Mal was certain to be some fine silks. He took a few steps forward and casually leaned against one of the posts that held the porch roof.

Inara was livid, pressing her lips together. "Somethin' botherin' you, Inara?" he asked, not unkindly.

She stepped forward. " _Gwai-gwai long duh dong_ do you think you're doing? She's just a _girl_ , Mal!"

He was unfazed. "Now, y'see, this conversation might be a little different if she were, in fact, just a girl-"

Inara shook her head, interrupting. "She doesn't know what she's doing," she hissed.

"Try telling _her_ that."

"I get it, Mal. You're having a hard time dealing with what happened to Serenity. But to take solace in the arms of a young, impressionable, innocent girl. She's basically a _child_!"

"Last June she turned twenty, which I reckon is older than you were when you became a Companion. And I don't rightly imagine that this is any of your business.". He already felt the absence of River as he started to grow angrier. "I'm not a learned man, so please, educate on how this is your place to speak on. You know as well as we do what she's been through, but you don't know a thing about what I'm 'dealing with'. You left Serenity the first chance you got." She stepped forward, narrowing her eyes.

"And you didn't stop me!" Her voice raised, too, her dark eyes narrowing.

"Didn't know I was supposed to. Companion'in' is a way of life for you, 'Nara. It wouldn't have suited you to stay anyhow. We both know you'd never have stayed."

"I might have," she retorted, "if I had a reason to." There was a quiet in the conversation. Mal sighed.

"You had plenty of reason. But if you were waitin' around for me, you would have been waitin' in vain. It woulda never worked."

Inara finally looked away, unable to reply.

"Why're you so upset? Don't claim it's for fondness for River. I saw how you looked at her just now." The Companion folded her arms.

"I only came to make sure that everyone was okay. I would have been here sooner but… well, there was a delay with the transport from Persephone. I'm sure you'll hear more about it tomorrow." Mal shrugged. Inara glared at him for his dismissal. "I came to see if I could help."

"Oh, so you _didn't_ come to berate me," he quipped, which earned him a sharp glare. "We don't agree on much, you and I. Politics. Business. In fact, you run a business that was long ago considered immoral and wrongful and now you're praised and respected, while I do what I can in the best way I can just to make a living and stay out of the Alliance's radar, and I'm still the petty criminal."

"You and I will never understand each other," she stated, and he was shocked that she'd chosen this moment, of all times, to agree with him.

"You don't have to understand me," Mal told her. "But this is what I've chosen. River's what I've chosen. She kept Serenity flying long after you left. She kept me flying. For that I owe her a great deal."

"Touching." Simon's harsh voice that dripped with sarcasm nearly startled Mal, who turned quickly to face the elder of the Tam siblings. He cocked a brow at his doctor.

"Thank you, doc," he replied. Kaylee was standing behind Simon, her eyes lowered. "Well, I figure this's as good a time as any. Already getting berated by on person. Speak your peace then, Simon."

There was a long silence. Mal was amazed that Simon didn't punch him clear across the face. He'd done it once before. The doctor's eyes were dark and narrowed, and Mal was almost nervous.

Finally, Simon spoke: "My sister is a genius. She could be anything she wanted, do anything in the 'Verse. Her IQ is four times your own, not to mention it appears she can take down an entire army single handedly. You… well, let's take inventory. You're a captain without a ship. Should I even list the ways you're not good enough? Explain to me how you think you're worthy of her."

A silence fell over them. It was heavy, and would have weighed on Mal heavily - if he hadn't already thought the question to himself a hundred times over. He could feel eyes on him from all over. Mal tilted his head to the side. "Don't reckon' I am, Doc."

Simon's mouth hung open for a moment. It was obvious he wasn't expecting that one.

"You said it yourself. Your sister's a genius. Odd at times, I'll admit. We've all seen the improvements she's made since Miranda. I reckon now she _could_ be anything she wanted. And you know what she chose?" Mal asked. "She chose be on Serenity. Even chose to be a pilot. Even when she thinks it'll kill her - "

"She chose Mal." River's voice piped up, causing everyone to spin. She had some plumberry pie on her cheek, and Mal found himself thinking it made her even more beautiful. "Every day. And will chose him again and again."

"River," Simon said, walking forward to intercept her.

"Don't." Her word had taken on a different tone. In that one syllable, she commanded more strength than they'd ever seen from her. Mal knew her to be brilliant, whimsical, and maybe even strange. But now she stood firm, and no one argued against her. She kept walking, making her way inside the house, passing Mal and her brother and the quiet Kaylee. "Besides, I should be thought of as the lucky one. To love Malcolm Reynolds, greatest Captain in the 'Verse." She disappeared into the house, wishing Zoe goodnight before going upstairs. Mal figured he would know where to find her.

"You heard the little lady," Mal added, earning him a few glares. Two, to be specific. Simon turned, following his sister's lead and heading back inside, and Inara shook her head disapprovingly before making her way back to… well, wherever she'd come from. Kaylee peered up at him.

"Got something to add, mei mei?" Mal asked, not unkindly, and she offered him a half smile.

"I think it's sweet, Cap'n. I seen the way you look at her. I think it's real sweet. Do what makes you happy." She stood on her tippy toes to give his cheek a chaste peck before heading back inside. Mal figured that wasn't too bad of an idea, and reentered the house, slipping inside the front door.

Zoe grinned at him from her bed across the room. "Quite a day," she commented, and he shook his head before heading up the stairs.

 _I knew one day, someone would fall in love with my sister. She was beautiful, and gifted with a genius that is once-in-a-lifetime. Words cannot describe how amazing she is. I always knew that one day someone would come along and court her, try to win her heart. I never quite thought about what would happen if she fell for him, too. I suppose it was selfish of me to be with Kaylee and deny River whoever she wanted. Given the opportunity, I'm not sure I even_ could _change her mind about it. River didn't do anything she didn't want to. I would have always be her brother, her protector. But to deny her love, despite what all she'd been through? I didn't dare. I couldn't take that, too._

 _Simon Tam_


	9. Chapter Nine, Hold on to me (M)

**Chapter Nine. Hold on to me.**

He didn't want to admit how much he was hoping that River was waiting for him in that bed, but he wasn't disappointed. River was running a brush through her hair, and smiled at Mal as he closed the bedroom door. He started slipping out of his boots, pulling off his coat. He was ready to be under the covers, to wrap her up in his arms, to breathe in the scent of her. Mal did just that, after he removed his trousers and shirt. It took him a moment to realize that she only wore one article of clothing: and old shirt of his. He moved to her, tugging gently at the cotton article. "Where'd you get this?" he asked. It was a hunter green cotton shirt, and it was quite old. He had been wearing it the day they'd ordered him to lay down arms in Serenity Valley. It was ironic now, that she was wearing it when he surrendered himself to her now. Mal often wore it to remind himself that even goodness can come out of something terrible. Here she was, his bright ray of sunshine, lighting the way for him through the black.

"Stole it," was her reply, as she stuck her tongue out at him. He pressed his lips against her neck.

"Mmm. Better be careful. I think I know who that belongs to. And he's a grumpy old man."

"Grumpy, yes, but not old. Besides," she said, running her fingers through his hair. At the top of his head, she grabbed his hair, giving him a pull. Mal gasped, then let out a groan. "I can take him."

"Oh can you?" was the amused reply. Mal grabbed her by the waist, pulling her over to him, pressing his lips against hers. He broke the kiss only for a moment. "To answer your earlier question, bao bei… Well, I've always said that shipboard relationships complicate things. And, well… I wanted to make sure that I could function as Captain while still loving you before I made any rash decisions."

"You also wanted make sure that you didn't still have feelings for Inara," River added, raising a knowing brow at him. Mal just chuckled. He was certain that there was nothing he could keep from her.

"Are you satisfied that I don't?" This got a smile out of her as she looked him in the eye.

"Yes. She still loves _you_."

He kissed her forehead before pulling the covers over them and turning out the light. "Well, I reckon that's unfortunate. A little albatross came and stole my heart away."

"I've never been with a man before," River finally told him. "There were some boys on a few worlds that wanted to, but I always stopped before it happened. Didn't feel right. Couldn't stop thinking about you." Mal snuck his left arm underneath her pillow, pulling her close with his right.

"I was worried about that. I didn't want to take that away from you. I can't make you many promises, River. Right now I can't even promise that you'll ever fly Serenity again. I can promise that I love you, baobei-"

"I don't require promises," she interrupted, running her hand up his bare chest. "Just a captain." She pushed him over until he was on his back, shifting into Scientific River. "Now, I've seen your dreams. Studied them. Watched how you fantasized intimacy with me." River then began placing soft kisses down the length of his torso, as if she'd done it a hundred times. "I was optimistic to see that pleasing me was a high priority for you."

Mal grabbed her waist, pulling her on top of him, her small frame resting on his chest. "This ain't something you can analyze. I've seen you watch a dance and then pick up the moves a few seconds later. This ain't like that."

"Sure it is," she said. "I watched Dream River please you night after night." His cheeks still burned from thinking about those nights he'd had to take a cold shower to get her off of his mind.

Her hair fell against him, and he pulled it to the side. "Hows about you let me worry about the pleasure?" Mal asked. She obviously wasn't expecting this. His voice began to lower, and he slipped his hand underneath the soft cotton of her borrowed shirt, his fingers brushing the soft skin of her stomach. They traveled down, and Mal turned her over so that she was on her back and he was over her on his side. She frowned for a moment, but then he reached the edge of her underwear, and removed them effortlessly.

"You can put a halt to this right now," he explained, and she shook her head.

"I saw this," she explained, her eyes wide. "The first time I saw you, I saw us in many moments together. This was one of them. Been waiting for it, aching for it, ever since. Didn't always know it, though. But now I see. _Please_ , Mal, don't stop." Mal exhaled, moving closer and pressing his lips against her own, then down her neck. One arm under her pulled her close. The other hand finally slipped down her impossibly narrow frame, right at the place where her thighs met. River gasped.

"Shh," he whispered, feeling pretty accomplished for getting such a pleasant reaction out of her from only one touch. She was slick, but nervous. Her legs instinctively closed, but he guided them back apart once more.

"Oh, Mal." Her words were quiet, but whispered just the right way in his ear, her breath sending a shiver down his spine. He let out a soft moan against her hair, and then watched as she arched her back against him. He found the place within her that he knew she would appreciate, moving quietly, consistently.

River had never experienced anything like this. Even when she'd fooled around with the boys on the border planets, none of them had known how to do _this_ to her. They'd just fumbled around down there until she called it off, running back to Serenity. Now that her wildest dreams were being realized, she was overwhelmed.

Before, she could hear everyone in the house. Kaylee consoling Simon, saying it was only time that River grew up. Zoe was engrossed in a romance novel. Anything to push out the reminders of what she'd lost. Jayne wasn't even at the house - he was down the road getting himself what he called 'some trim'. Out of range.

Now, as Mal's hand worked against that place of hers, she could hardly breathe. Her body grew warm, so she slipped out her shirt, causing Mal to swear in Chinese. She still had a few healing wounds from the crash landing, but it was nothing to Mal. She saw herself in his mind then, a perfect specimen, so small and wonderfully made. Her cheeks grew hot as his movements grew more frantic against her, and a strange feeling began to ebb against her. River's body flushed with heat, her body began to move against him, and she bit her lip to keep from making the noises she wanted. The sensation she felt could be described as running up a hill - building and building and building in the deepest parts of her. When she reached the top, it was like a dam had broken.

" _Oh._ " Moving to Mal, she came against his hand, moaning into his chest, being as quiet as she possibly could manage. Everything in her mind shut down, like when she put Serenity to sleep at night. The lights flickered and then dimmed again.

It took her a few moments to regain consciousness. Mal was gently kissing against her neck, her collarbone. "There's my good girl," he murmured as she turned to face him, her eyes wide and disbelieving. She had no words for him, but pressed herself against him as tightly as she could. When she felt him, hard, against her stomach, she smiled, placing her hand just there. Now it was Mal's turn to let out a moan.

"Careful," he told her, brushing some hair out of her face. "You've been moanin' in my ear, squirmin' underneath me. It's enough to drive any man crazy." Mal let out a groan as she moved her hand up and down the length of him. "I… oh… don't mean to spoil the moment, but _oh_. Mmm. You wouldn't happen to-"

"I'm infertile," was her quiet reply. She had done _this_ part before. A few boys had shown her how they liked her to do it, but she'd seen herself do it this way in Mal's dreams before, and the way his heart raced and his breathing came quicker let her know that he appreciated it.

"Gorrammit, River, how do you… God." He couldn't take it any more. Finally, Mal pushed her hand away, grabbing it and holding it down next to her head. The next one followed on the other, but he didn't hold her there. His hands moved to her hips, allowing her arms to rest against his neck.

"Now, darlin'," he started, his voice low and soft.

"I know," she said. "Might hurt. It's okay."

"C'mere," he said, wrapping his arms all the way around her. "Hold on to me." River braced herself. Kaylee had told her that the first time was always the worst, that it hurt, but just let it happen and it would be over soon. Mal's arms went on forever, wrapping her up completely. One hand rest against the back of her neck, the other on the opposite hip. She was entangled in him, and never wanted to leave. But she was still nervous. "Relax, baobei," Mal said, and she exhaled.

He found her then, and very slowly, slow as he could manage with his blood rushing, pressed himself into her. River made a small noise, but it was so close to the moans of pleasure that she had made in his ear shortly before that he didn't stop. She was so incredibly tight around him, Mal thought he might burst right then and there. "Oh, _River_ ," he whispered, lowering his head against her collarbone.

"Don't stop." The words left her mouth, echoing her earlier sentiment. It was all Mal needed. He began to move against her, which caused her only mild discomfort for a few fleeting moments, but when he made an adjustment, he found that place again, causing her to bite down on the place where his shoulder met his neck, moaning against him. "Oh, Mal, don't stop." He heeded to her order, losing himself in the warmth of her. She was so tiny underneath him, but so firm and strong everywhere. He felt her start to tighten against him again, and knew that she was getting close. Mal wanted to time it just right, but he was starting to slip over the edge. His movements became erratic, frantic almost, pressing himself into her, holding her close.

"Mal," River said. "Oh, Mal. _Please_." She warmed underneath him, and just when he felt her start to come against him, he lost it, sinking into her, muffling his moan against her slick skin. She clung to him for dear life as her own orgasm wracked her body, her fingers gripping tight in his hair, against his shoulder. Each of them panting, Mal rolled gently onto his side, pulling her close to him. Their hearts raced one another. River met his gaze steadily.

"I'm happy it was you," she said, a slight rasp to her voice. "I would have imagined you anyway. At least this way you get to be the first." Suddenly her brows furrowed, and she looked down. "I appear to need a towel." Mal chuckled softly, reaching next to the bed for the towel he'd used to shower that morning, handing it to her. After she was cleaned up, Mal pulled her close to him.

"This is the important part," he said to her. "Any man who don't wanna hold you like this - you run. He ain't a man worth havin'." River nodded.

"Easy solution," was her reply. "I only make love with you."

"As long as I'm breathin' I hope that's the case." He pushed her damp hair out of her face. "I love you, River. I hope you're only ever with men who love you. Hell, I hope you're only ever with me, but that's just me bein' selfish." River ran a hand down his chest, giving him another shiver. She kissed him there. She was going to spoil him with her endless affection.

"Not selfish. I'm yours alone."

"Promise?" He asked, in a rare moment of vulnerability. She paused for a moment, as if she were choosing her words carefully.

"As long as I breathe."

 _I never saw it coming. Are you kidding me? River was just a girl! And Mal… Well, he was no saint. We didn't agree on much. In fact, I'm having a hard time trying to remember something we ever did agree on. He was a stubborn fool. Nothing could have been done to prevent what happened, as terrible as that sounds. I don't think I could have talked him out of it any more than I could have wished the grass to be blue or the sky to be green. I pray for him often, even now. Though, I'd be lying if I told you a part of me didn't want to be with him. I imagined a fantasy world once, where we were different people, meeting under different circumstances. But then we wouldn't be who we are now. The half life of love is forever. If only we'd had that long._

 _Inara Serra_


	10. Chapter Ten, Live like real people

**Chapter Ten. Live like real people.**

Mal woke quietly as day broke. The bright sun reminded him of all that had happened, that he was stuck on-world. Opening his eyes, he glanced over: River's hair was a mess against her pillow. Her mouth was open, and she was completely naked. The sheets were wrapped around her decently enough, but there was just enough skin showing to send blood rushing. He closed his eyes again, savoring the taste of her against his lips for a few moments. Roosters crowed, announcing the new day, but Mal didn't want to move. He turned to his companion, wrapping her up tightly. He couldn't help the thoughts that rushed to his mind as he took in the sight of her.

A smile crossed her face, though her eyes remained closed. "He wants to be greedy this morning," she said. "But he smells."

Mal snorted, giving her an obnoxious kiss on the cheek before removing himself from the bed. The shower was at the end of the hall, and he threw on a pair of shorts and grabbed a fresh towel before he left the bedroom. Mal made sure the door was closed securely behind him, and then walked lazily to the shower.

As the warm water cascaded over his tired body, Mal couldn't help but contemplate life as it stood. Between River, Zoe, Serenity, Kaylee, and Inara, the women in his life sure knew how to tax his emotions. River made him feel like a dirty old man for wanting her. Zoe watched him with those eyes of hers, her gaze unreadable. Serenity was out in the desert on the edge of town, broken. Maybe to never fly again. Kaylee's sweet smile as she told him to do what made him happy. Inara, returning to his life at the most inconvenient of times. He turned the faucet off, toweled dry, and then exited the shower. Mal was late to rise today, leaving him less than five minutes of hot water. Not that he'd seen any particular need to rise early. He'd enjoyed having River in his bed after a night like the last one. He started to think maybe he could get used to a sight like that every morning.

He pulled on a clean set of clothes, trying to figure out how he was going to deal with the latest dramatics from his medic. River had lain them out for him, but was nowhere to be seen. There was a round of laughter from downstairs, and he hurried down to see what the fuss was about.

"You're telling me that people actually wanted to read about that?" Zoe's voice rose above the din, and made eye contact with Mal as he caught sight of the crew sitting at the breakfast table. They were joined by the odd writer they'd taken on as a passenger several months previously.

"They sure did!" Everyone else noticed Mal. They were all there, jammed into the tiny kitchen: Zoe, Jayne, Simon, Kaylee, River, Inara, and West.

"Mal, you won't believe the _go shi_ West is tellin' us. 'Nara's in it too," Jayne announced, taking a bite of his toast. Mal raised a brow, looking around for someone to explain it to him. West smirked, and pulled a book out of his bag. It had a picture of a blue sun on it, behind an image of a vaguely familiar planet. After a moment of glancing, he realized that it was supposed to be Shadow. He finally saw the title.

"Big Damn Heroes: a story of Captain Malcolm Reynolds," Mal read the title aloud. And then he looked at the back, reading it too.

"The great Captain Malcolm Reynolds is everything that a hero is not. His story begins on the fated planet Shadow, which was one of the first worlds to resist Unification. He fought for the Independents, and was the highest ranking Browncoat to participate in and survive the Battle of Serenity Valley. Once the war was over, however, the world was not so kind. This is the story of his quest for the one true thing worth fighting for: freedom."

The room went quiet, waiting for Mal's reaction. After a few moments, he burst out laughing. "You've got to be _go tsao de_ kidding me. What is this, some kinda practical joke?" But as he flipped open the pages of the book, he began to see familiar quotes and places.

Inara shook her head. "I'm afraid not. Your story has made quite an impact on the Core planets. The book sold millions of copies the day it released. You've even made it to some of the more popular news channels."

Mal's grin faded quickly as the weight of the situation crashed down on him "West, let's take this conversation somewhere a little less crowded," he said, and quickly exited the table. Once he was outside, he heaved a sigh. This wasn't happening, not to him.

West came out through the front door, wiping his glasses on a handkerchief.

"If you're worried about the Alliance, you shouldn't," was West's first comment.

"Is that so?" He had a few thoughts of punching West in the mouth, but refrained.

"The story ends when you buy Serenity. I didn't include anything about the Tam siblings. From what I hear, the Alliance is ready to sweep Miranda under the rug. Even so, one of their men contacted me," West explained. "Asked if I planned on writing anything else. I said there wasn't anything else to write. He seemed to suggest that it would be unwise f me to publish anything else tied to your name."

Mal took a seat in a rocking chair, trying to let it all sink in. "I'm still havin' a hard time believin' that this is even real."

"You're something of a celebrity," West acknowledged. "After the Miranda instance, support for the Alliance and their methods has dropped significantly. Your story… It gave people something to think about. On the Core planets, Browncoats were the enemy, but no one ever actually saw the battles. Now they've seen them, through this book, through your eyes. It's changed things. People love a good underdog story."

Mal raised a brow. "Changed things? What kinda things?" He couldn't imagine anything changing the minds of the sheep on the Core planets.

"There have been protests," he explained. " _Peaceful_ protests on Core planets. They're calling for transparency of the Alliance. The Pax has a lot of people concerned. The Reavers may have been mostly annihilated, but now people are starting to wonder what other secrets are being kept from them." West looked around, and took a step closer. "There's a group of peaceful resistors. Made up of all kinds of folk. They're very open. They hold town hall meetings open to the public."

" _Ni Men Dou Shi Sha Gua_ ," Mal muttered, and ran a hand through his hair. "What the hell do they think they're doin'? They're gonna get themselves killed."

"That's why they're _very_ public," West said. "They're combating the Alliance's habit of taking care of people behind closed doors. They figure the more public they are, the more attention their deaths will bring to the cause."

"The _cause_ ," Mal repeated, spitting the words out. "There ain't no cause. The war is over."

"I don't think these people aim to overthrow the Alliance. They're just after the truth."

"Well, good luck to 'em." Mal could care less.

"Mal…" West took the seat next to him. "That's why I'm here. They want to meet you. They seem to think you know a few secrets that might be worth exposing. Particularly your pilot-"

"No." Mal stood. "Under no circumstance will I put River, or anyone on my crew, back in the throws against them. We've lost too much to go through this again."

West nodded. "I know. I thought you might feel this way. But it was my job to convey this message to you. If you ever change your mind, I'll give you the list of names of contacts you can reach out to. Oh, and Mal?"

Mal looked over. "Hmm?"

"One more thing. The book sold millions of copies, print and on the Cortex. I set up an account where a small section of the proceeds have been funneling. It's in your name, Mal. Yours and Zoe's. I figured it was only right that you benefit from the sales in some way. As of yesterday, you're both _thirty five thousand_ credits richer."

Mal didn't even know how to react. That would be enough for them to do anything they wanted.

"I'll let you mull that over." Mal almost didn't even hear him leave. It took a while for him to accept the man's words. Zoe came out the front door, and regarded him curiously.

"Everything solid, sir?" she asked, and he shook his head, mouth hanging open, at a loss for words.

"Zoe… You and I been sailin' together a long while," he started. Zoe took the seat where West had previously been, catching the idea that this was about to be an intense conversation.

"That's right."

"What if I told you that you have thirty five thousand credits to your name?" He finally asked, meeting her gaze. She acquired his speechlessness.

"I… I don't rightly know, sir." He waited, allowing the pause to soak up the gravity of the situation.

"Would you stay with me, on Serenity? Assuming we got her flyin' again."

"If we got her flyin' again. I may try to convince you to buy a plot of land we could rest at for a while. To do repairs on the ship, like our own Haven."

"That's dangerous thinkin'," he said. "What if that place was found when we wasn't there? Destroyed?"

His first mate shrugged. "That's always a risk. Neither you or I have any family to speak of," she added, contemplating. "First order of business would be getting Serenity backup."

Mal agreed. "I'm going to rebuild her," he explained. "I know about a crew that used to work on pirate ships, modify 'em for smuggling and the likes. I'm thinking we restore her just to her former glory, but brand new. Maybe a few modifications - "

" - bigger bunks would be nice. And a _real_ shower - " Zoe interjected, a small grin working it's way onto her face.

"Better infirmary, fanciest of technological equipment. No relyin' on other people to fix us up - "

"Let Kaylee build her dream engine and keep a supply of spare parts. We'd probably never break down again."

Mal was grinning. "Mayhaps we don't have to get a place to settle. Maybe we can make Serenity into everything she was meant to be." He looked over, and Zoe's expression was… emotional. She was smiling, but there was a far off look in her eye. It was the closest Mal had ever seen to tears from her.

"I'm thinkin' that thirty five each is a lotta cash. Too much," Zoe added. "If that were a haul from a job, we'd give each of the crew their cut. Ten percent each. The rest can go to Serenity."

Mal nodded. "No sense in being greedy. Granted… You know some of 'em will leave as soon as they get their payday."

Zoe shrugged. "I'm sure Jayne will. I don't rightly know about Simon and Kaylee. Who knows about River. We give Kaylee the chance to build and run her dream engine, she might stick around. And let Simon build out the infirmary. Neither of 'em will leave without the other."

"You remember what I said, when we first bought her?" Mal asked, rocking back in his chair. "You thought she was a piece of _go se_. I said to look past, to see what she could be. Freedom. And now, that freedom might have just gotten shinier. I tell you, we've already got the perfect crew. We got our genius mechanic, a damn fine pilot, one of the best doctors in the 'Verse, maybe get a cook -"

"Live like real people." Zoe said slowly, and closed her eyes. She smiled. Mal acted as if he didn't see the tear that slipped out of the corner of her eye.

"We ain't never had it easy, you and me," Mal said, a reach out to put a hand on Zoe's arm. "'Specially not as of late. Maybe there's redemption for folk like us."

Zoe agreed, nodding. She looked to him again. "Let's do it, Captain. Let's be real people."

Mal sat in the mayor's house, staring into the tiny Cortex screen. "You'll do the job?"

A tall, thin Asian man grinned at him. "You know, it'd be cheaper to just get a new ship."

"I don't think so," Mal replied. "But it's agreed. You'll do a total remodel for the price?"

"It's a deal. We'll be there in the morning."

"Pleasure doing business with you, Xiang. I've heard some great thing about you an' your crew."

Xiang grinned back at him. "Likewise, Captain. It'll be our pleasure."

 _Malcolm Reynolds was a legend, even before the book was released. Of course I took the job! Are you kidding? Getting to meet him was like.. well, meeting Captain Ruttin' Reynolds! Aside from thinking maybe he'd be taller, I wasn't disappointed. Would I take the job, knowing what I know now? What kind of question is that? Hell no. I know, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, not really. But what happened… It wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth that. Nothing in the 'Verse. Not even meeting Mal._

 _Xiang Ma_


	11. Chapter Eleven, Wo De Tian A

**Chapter Eleven.** _ **Wo De Tian A**_

Kaylee fidgeted in her chair, frowning. Simon crossed his arms next to her, regarding Mal and Zoe with critical eyes.

"You two might have noticed that Serenity's pretty banged up," Mal started. He was standing on the other side of the table from where his mechanic and doctor were seated. Zoe was off to the side, leaning against the kitchen counter. "I have a proposition for you - both of you. They can be accepted separately, but the nature of them lends me to giving to both a' you at the same time. Kaylee, I'll start with you."

"You're makin' me nervous, Cap'n," she told him with a frown.

"Don't be," he assured her. "I do, however, have a job for you. Y'see, Serenity's engine... well, it's in need of a little lovin'. I want you to rebuild her." His mechanic's mouth fell open. "Don't worry about the parts. You'll have everything brand new. She's already gettin' a pretty makeover, I figured you'd want in. Asides, I've got a crew comin' to fix her, and there's no one I trust better to keep them in line and respectin' our home than you."

Mal watched as her expression changed from surprise to disbelief to excitement. While she was absorbing the information, Mal turned to Simon. He was still pretty possed at him, that was for certain.

"Simon, I have a similar job for you. I don't want to ever have to take one of our crew to a hospital again. How many credits would it take to build an infirmary up to your standards to do just that?"

Simon shifted in his seat. "I-I'm not sure."

"Ballpark it. Spare no expense. I want one of those dermal weaver machines, too, like what you sewed my ear back on with," Mal added.

Simon leaned back, trying to recall everything he'd put on Serenity if money wasn't an option. "I'd say… well… If you're rebuilding it anyway, if you could make the infirmary bigger, you could fit a complete ImageMed machine. It's like the 3D NueroImager I took River to on Ariel, but it's designed to be more mobile. And to stock the ship with an actual pharmacy would be nice… I'd say… ten thousand credits would do the trick."

Mal grinned, looking over to Zoe for a moment. He leaned on a chair in front of them. "That sounds like a deal. Both of you would be in charge of making sure that Serenity becomes a proper home. The crew I'm bringin' in will take care of everything we need 'em to, but you two would get to make sure it's done to your specifications."

"Where exactly is this money coming from?" Simon inquired, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I'm glad you asked. That piece of work West wrote earned Zoe and I a fair amount of credits. And, in according to how we share the loot from jobs, you two will be getting your cuts as well. I think West is taking care of setting up the accounts. We don't get any hard cash, bein' as it's a legal transaction and all. I figure you two wouldn't mind."

Simon raised a brow at his cavalier captain. "And... how much is the payout, exactly?"

Zoe uncrossed her arms, grinning a bit. "You're sittin' on seven thousand credits. Each."

Mal cut in. "That's a lot of money. I know that some of our crew will leave us as soon as they get their payout. But I need you two to at least help out for the next few weeks gettin' Serenity straight. And then you two can leave, make your own life with your credits. Or…" Mal leaned in a bit. "Or you're welcome to come with us. You two would be awful hard to replace. Our mission would be the same. We'd make a home on Serenity, fly as we please, stay out of the reach of the Alliance. Live like real people." He stepped away, and Zoe followed him to the front door. "I'll give you until sunset to decide. You two have a lot to talk about."

"Jayne." Mal found his gun for hire sitting outside of the bar, relaxing on one of the benches, drink in hand.

"Well if it ain't our celebrity," he greeted with a grin. He was properly sauced.

"Yeah, that's what I came to talk to you about." Mal wanted to make this as quick and painless as possible. "I wanted to make sure you got your cut."

"My cut?"

"Yep. Seven thousand credits. Wish I could give it to you in cash, but that ain't exactly an option." Jayne fell silent, and then nodded.

"That's about enough to retire for a while," he commented, strangely calm about the news.

"I figure so," was Mal's easy reply. They stared out into the town of Lampasas as the sun started to hang low in the sky. "I suppose you'll be headin' off world soon then."

Jayne didn't reply for a few moments, but eventually nodded. "Yeah. Go pay my ma' a visit. Then who knows." Mal always knew that, given enough money, Jayne would leave. At that moment he was just thankful that it was him giving Jayne the cash, and not someone else buying his favor. They didn't speak, but sat there, side by side. They didn't need words. They had understanding.

Mal stood in front of Serenity as the sun started to set on the eventful day. Hands on his hips, he surveyed the Firefly class ship in front of him. She was a complete disaster. Yet even as his ship lay practically in pieces in front of him, he began to imagine what she might look like when they were done with her. The crew he had hired were experts in what they did, and he was sure that by the end of it, she wouldn't look much like the ship he bought. She'd still be a smuggling ship, there was no doubt about that. He wouldn't dare change that about her, but he imagined that she'd be cleaner. Shinier. The engine rooms would be less cluttered, and there would be _actual_ _showers_ in the crew's bunks.

Mal felt her hand slip into his, her head rest against his shoulder. "Well hey there, darlin'," he greeted his pilot. She was humming softly, a familiar melody he couldn't place.

"Live like real people," she stated. "All shiny and new."

"That's right, baobei." He turned, wrapping her up into a tight embrace, kissing her lips. "You know, you've got seven thousand credits to your name right now to do with as pleases you. What do you plan on doing now?" River grinned against his lips.

"I want to build a library," she said. "On ship. If she's going to be my forever home, I'm going to need more books."

Mal rested his head against her own. "Does that mean you ain't leavin'?" He asked quietly. "You've got every right to." But she shook her head.

"My home is here," she explained quietly, pointing to his chest. "Besides, you need a pilot."

Mal agreed. "You're right. I need you."

"Kaylee and Simon are staying," River told him.

"Yeah? How'd you know?" Either she'd been eavesdropping or she'd read their minds, because Mal wasn't expecting an answer so soon.

"They told me."

"Oh."

River laughed at his expense. "Inara wishes to speak with you," she finally told him.

"Did she tell you that?" Mal asked, but River shook her head. "Well, s'pose I should go see what the lady wants." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Unless you just want to tell me yourself? Save me some troubles."

The reader gave him a playful grin, and shook her head 'no'. Mal kissed her lips, pulling her to him, pressing their bodies together. Every time he'd had a moment to himself, he'd thought about her the curves on her body, the way she moved around him. She didn't pull away.

"I've been thinking about you, too," she admitted, pulling away from the kiss for only a moment, before biting his bottom lip.

"Forget about Inara," Mal ordered, and grabbed his lover's hand, pulling her towards the ship. The sun had set, and he pulled her around to the opposite side of the extender so that they wouldn't be seen. He pressed her small frame up against the warm metal, and River let out a soft moan, trembling. Mal pushed her dress up deftly, placing his fingers in just the spot that made her close her eyes and gasp.

"Malcolm," River moaned, loudly. No one was around, and Mal assumed that she would sense if someone wandered by. Either way, he didn't really care. His heart was racing now, his mouth against the soft skin of her neck. Biting, kissing. Her hands were around his neck, pulling at his hair, holding herself up against him.

"Oh River," he whispered into her ear, causing her to moan again. "You've been thinkin' about this, haven't you?" Mal asked. He could tell.

"I thought _I_ was the Reader," was her breathless reply. Her head leaned back against the metal of the ship, giving him better access to the pale skin on her neck. Mal's free hand went to the top of her dress. It tied in the front, which he was grateful for. It only took him a moment to pull the string at the center of her chest, and push the side of the dress off of her shoulder, exposing her breast. As he lavished his entire attention on her, River made no attempt to keep quiet.

"More," she pleaded, and Mal was eager to oblige. He pulled her panties down roughly, and they fell to her ankles. She stepped out of them, and he moved himself between her. River's impatience grew, and she unbuckled his trousers with expert fingers. They hung loose on his hips as she reached inside of his boxer for what she really desired. Mal felt himself press against her hand, letting out a growl in earnest.

"River." His tone was low. It was an order. With a trembling hand, she guided him to the right place, and gasped loudly as he entered her.

" _Wo De Tian A,_ " she cried. River wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. Mal expertly pulled her up, one leg at a time. She let out a small noise at this, and Mal kissed her, hard on the mouth. He felt her rock against him, encouraging him. She was just as fierce as she kissed him back, letting him know that this rough treatment was something that she was enjoying. Their first time he had been gentle, sweet even. Now he could tell that she wanted something else entirely. She wanted him to take her. To claim her. Mal did just that. He'd never done this kind of thing in such an open area. The idea of getting caught thrilled him, made his blood rush faster. He had to taste her, to kiss every inch of his skin that he could get to. River moaned his name, her pitch rising with each movement.

" _Oh_." There it was. His movements became more frantic, maybe even sloppy as he spent himself, River melting into him in return.

River was numb. Her eyes were closed serenely, and she was only upright because of Mal's weight against her, pressing up against the ship's warm metal. A smile crossed her face. "This is nothing as I imagined it would be," she said, her voice a rasp. Mal let out a chuckle as he pulled away, setting her down on solid ground again. He kissed her sore lips and ran his fingers down the side of her face. Gentle, now.

"You're not what I imagined, either," was his reply. He began to fasten his trousers, and adjust his clothing. River picked herself up as well, tying her disheveled dress, patting down her hair. She fixed Mal's collar for him, but laughed at his mussed up hair. Mal thought that he might go see what exactly Inara wanted, but decided that if the Companion really needed to speak with him, she would come and find him like a grown woman. There were more important things in front of him now.

 _Awh, come on. Don't lookit me like that. 'Course I left! Ain't seen Maw in too long. Asides, now I had enough cash to get them a proper house. So's that's what I did. I didn't wanna make much fanfare 'a sayin' goodbyes. Just packed up and left that mornin'. Wasn't a big deal at all. Of course, that ain't to say I spent all 'a the cash wisely. Shepherd Book surely wouldn'ta approved. But he's dead now. 'Sides, what were we even gonna do with all that cash? Float around space? No thanks. I'll go have an adventure. At least, that's what I thought._

 _Jayne Cobb_


End file.
